tell Dean that I'm gone || Destiel/DeanCas

fell on black days

TW; self harm!!

The next morning Castiel got up from the floor he was sitting on all night. His eyes were red and swollen, it was obvious he cried. He was numb and tired but that didn't matter anymore, because Castiel didn't matter. Or at least that's what he thought.

It was another school day, Wednesday. Castiel didn't want to go to school, he didn't want to do anything except sink into the ground and disappear from the face of the Earth. He wasn't embarrassed or anything, he just felt like there was no purpose for him anymore, like his whole life was meaningless and that it wouldn't matter if he was alive or dead. Unfortunately that was now the mindset of this beautiful broken boy that once used to be a happy child.

He went to the bathroom, took a shower, brushed his teeth and dressed in black-ish clothes again. Everything seemed ordinary, normal. Well one thing changed. After Castiel was done with all of his tasks he would usually go downstairs but this time he stayed in the bathroom with locked doors. He was looking through the bathroom cabinets trying to find something. And by that something he meant razor blade.

He used to do this when he was younger, when his mother left. He didn't know any other way to cope with it, so he found this as a solution. Cas continued with this coping mechanism for years, but once he ended elementary school, he abandoned this habit of his. But now, he's back at it.

After some searching, he found it. He got up while he was holding the razor blade close to his arm. He already cut his finger unintentionally. It hurt a bit but he didn't care. When he fully got up he walked in front of the mirror so that he could see himself. He had eye bags because of his sleepless night, his face was dull and his lips were chapped and curved downwards. It's like his face lost all the colours it had, his skin was pale and his eyes weren't sparkling as before. He felt like a shattered teacup that had no use anymore.

He looked down over at his hands, standing still. He took a deep breath and placed the razor blade against his skin. He then began to use force on the blade making it sink into his body. His pale and thin skin became red and damaged. His skin was pierced with the very new and very sharp tool Castiel held in his hand. He continued cutting his arm which bled more and more with each cut. He was cutting his forearm but he tried staying away from his wrist, for now.

He heard a loud knock on the door, it surprised him as he didn't expect anybody to be up this early. As he got startled by the sound he cut himself deeper. This time he could feel the blood slightly drain away from his body.

"Occupied." He said calmly.

"Hey Castiel. We need to talk, can you please come out ?" He heard Gabriel reply. Of course he wanted to talk again. Even if Castiel was numb he still cared for his siblings so he decided to do as Gabriel asked him to.

"Give me a minute." He wrapped his sliced and hurt hand in a bandage so that it won't bleed on his clothes. He covered it up with long sleeved shirt and walked out of the bathroom. He was met by Gabriel and Lucifer standing In front of the bathroom.

"What do you need?" Castiel asked, voice cold with a slight care in it.

"About yesterday..." Gabriel begun but didn't finish his sentence because he got cut off by Castiel.

"it's ok. Nothing bad happened and nobody's hurt, that's the most important part." He gave them a faint smile and went downstairs.

"Tell me when you guys are ready to go, I'll go watch the TV for a while!" Castiel shouted from downstairs trying to seem collected and not hurt.

_______________________________________

They arrived at school as usual. Gabriel tried talking to Castiel about yesterday but Cas told him to drop the subject, so after a lot of convincing he did. Castiel's day went pretty normal. He had chemistry with Mrs. Rowena and PE with Mr. Rufus. He didn't like PE much since he was bad at sports.