G is for...

B is for

Breathing.

My breathing was becoming quick, like the air that was forced into my lungs with each breath wasn't enough to keep my blood saturated with oxygen.

Like we were in a waiting room of the emergency room, waiting with bated breath for the doctor to finally call your name, and cure you from all of your ailments.

Though, I wasn't quite sure what ailments I had. Physically? I was fine, there wasn't a scratch on me. Mentally? I wasn't fine, I wasn't fine at all.

"Lia?" Tommy's voice rang out. "Come here."

He gestured for me to come closer, and I wasn't sure what he meant, considering we were already sitting beside each other. I shot him a questioning look, hoping he would explain what he wanted.

"You look like your mind is spinning," he told me, and he definitely wasn't wrong. "Come, lay down. You can lay your head here, on my lap."

I was stunned by his offer, though I wasn't sure he meant it the way I wanted him to mean it. That was Tommy, after all. Sweet and caring. When I didn't move, he took one of my hands in his, pulling me closer until I eventually obeyed his commands. I laid my body on the uncomfortable floor, but my head landed on his legs, just above his knees.

"Can I ask you guys something?" Samuel asked, and since it was only him, Tommy and I, he was speaking directly to us.

"Sure Sam," Tommy said, and my blood felt like it had glitter in it as he began to run his hands through my hair.

"Do you... do you guys care that I'm gay?" Samuel asked us softly, and I could feel the fear in his voice.

"What?" I asked him, confused as to why he would even ask. "No, of course we don't care. Who you love doesn't make us love you any less."

Samuel nodded at my words, like he wasn't shocked by them, but then he peaked over at Tommy, like he wasn't so sure. "Tommy?"

Tommy was silent for a moment, and I was surprised. After all, I knew Tommy, and I knew his heart. He wouldn't care that anyone was gay, right?

"Something as simple as being gay doesn't change how I feel about you, man," Tommy said, confirming my thoughts. "I won't say I'm not hurt that you didn't tell us. I mean, I get why you did it, but you should have known that we would still love you."

I titled my head, he had a point. But, I didn't begrudge Samuel for it, it was probably fear that told him not to tell us, and if I'm learning anything today, it's that fear can cause you to say and do a lot of things. Things that don't particularly make sense at first.

"I know, I wish I did. Trust me, I wanted to. I wanted to tell everyone. Trevor, especially. I just, I was scared that you guys would judge me or, that we couldn't be friends the same way that we are," Samuel told us, and I could tell he meant every word.

"It just hurts me that you felt like you had to keep it a secret," Tommy told him.

"Imagine how it felt for me," Samuel answered, and I pondered his words for a second before I understood. Was keeping a secret even harder than being kept from a secret? Maybe.

"I guess I didn't think about it like that," Tommy told him, nodding his head. "Does anyone know? Your parents?"

"Nah," Samuel sighed. "They don't know. They probably won't for a while, either."

"Why not?" I asked him.

"They... wouldn't approve. It's part of the reason I didn't tell you guys. The more people know, the more likely it is that they'll find out," Samuel told us.

"Why do you think that they won't approve?" Tommy asked.

"They religious," Samuel told us with a frown on his face.

"So am I," I said, "that doesn't mean they won't still love you."

"But what am I risking if they don't? What if they kick me out?" Samuel asked, and again, I heard the fear in his voice.

"Sam, man, I know your parents. They wouldn't do that to you," Tommy assured him.

I remembered all the times I had met Samuel's parents, and I agreed. They didn't seem like the type to turn their back on their child, but I guess some people don't show their true colours until they're forced to.

"Have they ever said anything to make you feel like they would do that to you?" I asked him.

"No, they haven't. I don't know, I went online and read a bunch of stories of teenagers who came out to their parents. Some people said they thought their parents would be okay with it, but when they told them, they weren't," Samuel told me.

"I understand," Tommy said, "but maybe you shouldn't assume their reactions. I mean, if its the difference between living free and out and hiding who you really are... it might be worth taking the risk."

"I guess," Samuel said, turning Tommy's words around in his mind.

"Maybe you owe it to yourself too, to live life as you want to live life. You shouldn't let anyone's opinions stop you from being who you are," I said.

And, though it was different, I thought of my own secret. The one I had been hiding, the one that had to do with the boys lap my head was laying on.

"How do you feel now that we all know?" I asked him.

"Better actually," Samuel sighed out. "A lot better."

The knock on the door was the same as it has been the last three times we've heard it, interrupting us from our serious words.

We looked to the door, the officer was there, like he always is. I wondered if he was tired, if his mind was as muddled as mine was. I wondered if he would be scarred by the things he would see today, like I knew I would be.

My stomach lurched with hope again, as he opened the door and prepared to say a name. I only hoped that if he didn't called my name, he wouldn't call Tommy's either.

"Samuel Singh," the officer said. "Your guardian is here to collect you."

Samuel let out a small chuckle, probably because of the joy he felt at being released from this cage. He rose from the floor, walked to the door, and turned towards us.

"You guys were right," he said. "I do deserve to live my truth, to everyone."

And, he walked through the door to a life without lies.