Broken Start// b. barnes

Feelings of a Mother

We buried Steve's empty casket next to Bucky's. The funeral was large, honoring Captain America all over the United States. But to those closet to him, it was small and private. Peggy and I comforted each other that day. Howard is searching all over the Arctic for him, even though I tried to plead with him not to. There was just nothing to get through his thick skull. He at least wanted to find Steve before the funeral that way we had a body to bury.

I let Peggy keep his dog tags, knowing that Steve would have wanted her to have them. I knew a part of her didn't want to seem selfish and immediately take the meaningful gift but she declined until I insisted over and over again. 

These past nine months have been tough. Especially with the hormones and my powers getting out of control along with the mood-swings. But Peggy, Howard, and Logan have been there every step of the way. 

Logan has, shockingly, fit the grandfather role quite quickly. So much, that he doesn't question my strange craving only letting out a sarcastic comment. 

When my powers started to get harder to control, I asked Howard to create a pill and a collar to keep my powers at bay. But specifically for labor, just in case sharp objects start to fly or I push one of the nurses into a portal transporting them to another world. Although, it would be amusing.

"Push, miss! Push!"

"YOU TRY PUSHING A HUMAN OUT OF YOUR VAGINA! THEN, YOU CAN TELL ME TO PUSH!" I scream back at the nurse. Peggy shoots her an apologetic smile to cover her amusement. I mean, how dare she tell me to push when I already am? It feels like I am constipated or something.

"Logan is on his way. You are doing wonderful, Kitara." Peggy said, encouraging me.

I turn my head to give her a exasperated stare. Sweat pouring down the side of my face as my red cheeks puffed out with air.

"How can you say that, Peggy?" I demand her. "I am giving birth and it doesn't exactly feel wonderful."

"You don't look it either."

We both turn to my left, to find Howard nodding in honesty. Reaching my hand out, I tug him closer to my face by his collar. Howard's eyes widen in fear as I start to breath heavily.

"I sure do hope your future wife is patient, Howard." I tell him, squishing my pointer finger and thumb together so hard that they start to turn white. "Because, I am this close to murdering you. You better be damn well glad they put on the collar on me or else you wouldn't be alive anymore."

Before my threat can go on, the doctor shouts out that he can see the head. I scream in Howards face who screams back in fear. Tears cascade down my cheeks, my energy draining. Curse words sprout from my lips causing the doctors and some nurses to give me looks of surprise at the colorful words coming from a woman's mouth.

A couple of pushes later, a cry is heard. Everything stops, everyone is silent. A smile breaks out across my face as the doctor wraps a pink blanket around the baby. Announcing that its a girl. I watch with happy tears as they wipe the blood clean from her tiny body. 

I reach out my arms to hold her. Peggy and Howard lean close, cooing to the small bundle who continues to cry, her eyes squeezed shut. I shush her quietly, gently rocking her up and down to silent her cries. I didn't want her to cry.

"Shh, shh..." I whisper. "... Mommy's here. Mommy's here."

Her tears stop and gurgling sounds replace it. It was adorable, a small fuzz of brown sits on top of her head. Her skin a pale color with a tint of pink on her cheeks. I watch in awe as her tiny fists flail about as if trying to find something.