I Will Never Let You Fall (Bellarke)

Part 1

Behind him, he can hear the people of Camp Jaha moving about, either taking the injured into the hull of an infirmary or just talking, enjoying the sunshine that ignorantly heralds a new start, a new beginning. But he doesn’t feel the warmth, nor does he move. He is the only thing not moving in camp, instead standing still and watching the forest in front of him. Watching for any sign of her. But he knows it’s pointless; it’s been hours since she turned her back on the camp, turned her back on him. He knows she’s long gone by now, trekking through the forest on her own, grieving on her own.

He should angry at her for leaving, but he’s not. He knows the burden of carrying hundreds of deaths on one’s shoulders, and the darkness that comes with it. That darkness that slowly eats away at your soul, until all that’s left is a shell. So he knows why she left, but he also knows that you shouldn’t grieve alone, that there should be someone willing to share the pain, the burden. It’s still there, but having someone makes it bearable. He perfectly knows the feeling. She was the one who taught him that, that night when Dax almost killed them in their hallucinogen-induced state. She showed him the importance of simply being there, ready to hold your hand when the going gets tough and it just becomes too much. So if he knows that, why didn’t he stop her? Why did he let her leave? He clenches his hands and closes his eyes at the thought. He’s not angry at her, he’s angry at himself.

“Bell?”

Bellamy opens his eyes and slowly turns around. Octavia is standing behind him, still in her Grounder armour and war paint. The painted face and warrior armour should terrify and worry him, but it doesn’t. Instead, he realises that it suits his baby sister. It makes her look older and determined. She looks… different.

Yeah, being in a war will do that to you.

Clarke…

Octavia steps forward and stands beside Bellamy. Together, they look back at the forest, the towering trees that hide an army of sword wielding, charcoal faced warriors and a girl walking alone.

“So she’s really gone.” It’s not a question.

Bellamy’s throat tightens at the memory of Clarke walking away, her back towards him as she disappeared through the trees.

You don’t have to do this alone…

I bear it so they don’t have to…

May we meet again…

Clarke…

Bellamy gulps and says, “Yeah, she’s gone.”

“Well, that’s stupid.”

Bellamy’s head whips to his left, eyes darkening at the girl beside him. “What?” he growls lowly. Even if she’s not here, Bellamy wants to defend Clarke. Octavia had no idea of how terrified Clarke was when she had her hand on the leaver, deciding the fate of innocent people. How grateful she looked when he placed his large hand over her small one, lending her the strength to do what had to be done.

”You don’t know what you’re talking about, O. You have no….”

“Will you let me finish?”

Bellamy stares at his sister, mouth open in confusion and surprise at her interruption. He quickly closes his mouth and sets it in a tight line. He nods to let her continue.

“Thank you. I’m not saying Clarke’s stupid for leaving, Bell. I don’t know what happened in that room with Wallace. I don't know what she’s feeling, or if she feels anything. War is a dangerous game, and it changes you. I mean, look at me.” She gestures to her warrior garb and Bellamy can’t help but let his lips quirk up in a small smile. That was his O, trying to lighten a heavy situation.

“Yeah, we’re going to have to call you Boudicca from now on.”

She punches him in the shoulder, and even though Bellamy is bigger and stronger than Octavia, she packs a punch, especially after all her Grounder training.

“You’re such a nerd,” Octavia snorts, but quickly straightens up, face turning serious. “My point is, is that the situation is stupid and wrong.”

Bellamy lifts an eyebrow, puzzlement clear on his face. “What are you trying to say, O?”

Octavia points behind them, towards the sound of chatter, and dare Bellamy say it, laughter. “You hear that? That sound is the sound of happiness of simply surviving, but also of ignorance. Sure, they must realise that Clarke is gone, and sure they must care, but are they doing a damn thing about it? No, because the Arkers think everything is fine, when it’s not. I know it, the others know, even Lincoln knows it.”

By this time, Bellamy is becoming impatient. He always had anger issues, but recently his temper filter hasn’t been working. So with this in mind, Bellamy takes a step back and bellows out, “Speak in damn English, O! What are you saying?”

“That’s it not right that Clarke is gone! That she should be here with you!”

Once again, Bellamy’s mouth opens. Clarke should be here… with me?

Seeing her brother look shaken and disordered, Octavia places a hand on his shoulder. “Bell, Clarke needs to be here with you. The Arkers, they don’t know what it was like being under Clarke’s and your leadership. But we do, and we miss it. We miss the strength you gave us, and the hope you instilled in us. Right now, we’re all broken, and we expect to look up to the both of you, but how can we when one half is missing? Everyone feels lost when the King doesn’t have his Princess by his side.”

Bellamy looks down at his sister, her face open with compassion. It reminds him of when a blonde-haired girl stared at him like that, the night oddly illuminating her bright blue eyes. He swallows and says quietly, “You want me to bring her back?”

“Yes, but not just for us. But for you as well. You need her.”

Suddenly, the fog that has clouded his mind since Clarke left evaporates. His mind is clear and sharp, like the steel sword that Octavia carries at her hip. Bellamy knows what he has to do. He knows he’ll be disobeying Clarke’s orders, but as he told Clarke before, he doesn’t take orders from her. “I have to get ready.”

“Already taken care of,” Octavia says with a smile. Bellamy looks down and sees a pack by her feet. He didn’t see it when Octavia came over and stood beside him as they looked beyond the gates. Stealth must’ve been one of the things Indra taught her. She’s a freaking ninja now, Bellamy thinks ruefully.

“You’ve clearly thought about this,” he says, raising an eyebrow.

Octavia shrugs her shoulders and picks up a black material from the top of the pack. “Just something that should be more comfortable for you.”

Bellamy smiles as he shrugs off the stained white over-shirt and sighs when he pulls his arms through the sleeve of his leather jacket. The jacket is refreshing, almost cathartic to Bellamy. It brings a sense of familiarity and calmness that seeps into his bones. It’s like he’s becoming whole again. But not until I get Clarke back.

He slings the backpack on his shoulder and pockets the handgun that Octavia gives him. He opens his arms and hugs his sister, one of two girls who could make him feel human, and not a monster incapable of emotion. It’s a brief hug, but in that hug the Blake siblings show all their love and loyalty towards each other. Bellamy pulls back and places a soft kiss on Octavia’s forehead.

“Thank you.”

“That’s what sisters are for. Knocking their brothers on the head with some good old-fashioned common sense.”

Bellamy chuckles softly, and grips Octavia on the shoulder. She nods and grips his shoulder in return. A common understanding passes between them.

Bring her back.

I will.