Sincerely, Suicidal

Chapter Three

"When I accept myself, I am freed from the burden of needing you to accept me."

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Waking up for school was worse than I thought it would be. I didn't want to be here at all, hence my attempt last night, I definitely didn't want to go to school.

I sat there for about ten minutes, not even thinking about anything, just staring blankly at my bland white walls. Glancing at the clock, I groaned at the red numbers;7:10. I usually leave the house at 7:30, considering the school is only about a five minute walk away. But that only gives me about 15 minutes to get dressed and get out the door. Which means I won't be trying so hard; shocker. That'll only give everyone another reason to laugh at me.

Dragging myself out of bed, I put on a pair of plain black leggings with a baggy white t-shirt. It wasn't cold out, as it was mid-spring, but I hated shorts or anything that revealed my hideous scars.

No one in my school had ever seen my scars, that would only allow them to me "the goth girl" or "cutter", like they'd done to Annabelle Walker in tenth grade.

Annabelle was new; gorgeous girl. I'd always known the guys in my school totally thought she was hot. I could hear them talk about her for the first few weeks of her arrival. The chatter revolving her slowly dimmed down when Elena and her pack of clown-faced prostitutes caught on to one of her secrets.

She cut herself.

They called her "Wrist Slitter".

No one knew why, and once Elena got a hold of her, no one was brave enough to go and comfort her.

I'd always wanted to. I wanted to show her my scars so she knew she was never alone, but I was just a scared little tenth grader who knew nothing about friendships, since I'd never had any.

Annabelle moved a two months after she'd arrived, without a trace. People just thought she'd stayed home for a few days, until she never returned.

I think about her a lot; hoping that she's okay, that she made it through the tough times. I always wish I'd have befriended her when I had the chance, but what's done is done and over with.

Drawing my attention back to my mirror, I'd realized I only had about 10 minutes until I had to be out the door, so I put on a light coat of mascara and some eyeliner. I'm not big into the whole makeup, but I did like how a slight coat of eyeliner made my green eyes pop. 

Before I left, I took a quick peak into my moms room, to see that she was still sleeping alone. I went and pecked her cheek; they seem to be stained with tears, I don't think Rob ever came home last night.

I thought a lot about my mom on my walk to school. She didn't deserve any of this shit; Rob and his shitty ass lifestyle, a job she hates, and a daughter who's a complete failure.

I wish she had a different life; a better, less complicated one.

Mom consumed my thoughts until I'd finally reached the gates of hell, welcoming me with open jail bars.

Everyone was huddled in their groups, gossiping, yelling, and messing around in the courtyard.

Every morning I'd observe the groups, never wishing I was apart of one. They seemed to always put on fake smiles and pretend that they like each other. I wanted real friends, not people who'd smile at you when you're looking, then glare when you turn your back.

I started towards the school entrance, where I'll do my usual routine; stop at my locker to get a few of my things, head to the art room, where I'll spend some time working on my current painting until first period starts.

But before I could even whip open the door, someone called my name. Which was very weird. I think the last time I had a conversation with another student was like 9th grade.

I turned around and didn't see anyone coming towards me so I turned back around.

"Madisyn, wait!"

Okay, seriously? What the hell?

I turned around once more, expecting to find no one; just some assholes messing with me.

Instead that guy, James, was prying himself off of Elena trying to get to me. Elena whipped around, and gave me the most evil look I've ever seen. She tried to pull on his arm so he wouldn't leave, desperate much? He had already broken free, however, and was jogging over to me. I diverted my eyes away from Elena's satanic eyes, to look at James.

"Hey!" he exclaimed.

I was a bit taken aback by his joyful tone. "Uh, hi."

"How are you? Is everything okay?" he said lowering his voice.

"Look, what you saw last night was a mistake, and you never should have been there. I don't need you to walk on eggshells around me, OK I'm fine."

"But I-"

"Just leave me alone, that's all I ask."

I tipped my head towards Elena, who hadn't stopped staring at us. "I think someone's trying to get your attention."

I took my opportunity to walk away once he turned to see who I was referring to.

I can already feel that this is going to be a painfully long day.

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Hey guys!

I know it's been so long since I last updated, but it's almost the end of school and finals are coming are coming up, so I've just been very stressed. I'll try to update not only this story, but my other ones as well.

Also, if any of you guys have exams and such coming up GOOD LUCK! I wish you all the best of luck, you'll do great!

On the side is Elena, who is played by the gorgeous Leighton Meester.

LOve YoU GuyS!

Wander.