Reaching Forward

5

The former Mrs. Shepherd was leaning against one of the nurses' station counters. Nonchalantly flipping through the nurses' copy of Ms. Parker's chart, Addison had her mind on other things. She couldn't stop thinking about Derek's baby; a baby that wasn't hers. She could have had a baby too; in fact, she could have been pregnant at that very moment. Remembering back to a couple of months ago, she wasn't even going to tell Mark about their baby but she had always preached to her patients that the father always needed to know. So, she told him and then he had to go out and buy that New York Yankee's onesie. And for a couple of days she actually believed that they could have made their relationship work and be a family. But, about a week later, she had found out he was sleeping with one of the nurses at the hospital. That's when she made her fateful decision; she was going to Seattle to win Derek back and in order to do that she was going to have to abort the baby. And, so, she did so.

The reason she always gave when someone found out she had an abortion and why she did was that she wanted Derek's baby. But, did she really want Derek's baby, specifically? She wanted to have a perfect family, where the husband and wife loved each other and would be great parents. She had no doubts that Derek would make a good father, but she knew that she'd never have his love.

And now, Meredith Grey had the love she had so desperately wanted and now could have that family. However, she didn't know what Meredith would do. She was an intern after all and she was sort of bumbling. Knowing of her strained relationship with her mother and her absent father, Addison wondered if Meredith would even know how to care for a baby. Even knowing all of the best ways to take care of a baby's health because she was a doctor didn't necessarily make a good parent.

Sighing, she started to refocus on her patient's chart. But, she was startled when someone called out her name. Turning to face whoever it was, she found Meredith Grey standing before her.

"I have the ultrasound you wanted." Meredith's eyes were still slightly puffy from when she broke down in one of the stock rooms. She hoped that Addison wouldn't notice and question her.

Clearing her throat, Addison tried to find her words, "Um, yes, right. Did everything look normal?"

Nodding her head, Meredith replied, "Yes."

Looking at the ultrasound she was handed, Dr. Montgomery gave her intern her next assignment, "All right, go prep Ms. Parker for surgery."

As Meredith was walking away, Addison asked something that she probably shouldn't have, "So, how is the morning sickness today, Dr. Grey?"

Meredith froze in her tracks and didn't even bother to turn and face Addison, "Um, uh, it's, uh, a little better."

She started to walk off again when Addison made another comment, "Don't worry, once you get past the first trimester, it should subside."

Walking away, Meredith couldn't take it anymore – the questions and stares. So, she started marching up the stairs, first handing George Ms. Parker's chart. Making her way up the stairs and down the hall, she arrived at the glass walled office. Entering, she began, "Chief, I need a word with you."

Straightening his coat, Dr. Webber sat down his chair and motioned for Meredith to the same, "What is it you need, Dr. Grey?"

Placing her hands on her knees, she began grabbing at her scrubs, "I need some time off."

Leaning back in his chair, he became concerned, "Before I can allow you to do that, I need to know why."

Meredith remained silent for a moment and began to send her gaze to the activities of the hospital going on behind the chief, "I...you probably already know, since the whole hospital seems to know, I'm pregnant." The Chief was about to speak but she continued rambling, "And, I have no idea what I'm going to do and being here and getting questioned and stared at isn't helping." She was now out of breath from talking so fast.