Never going to be HER

My Favorite What If

"I'm sorry for everything I did, I didn't mean it" he said.

"But what about everything that happened between us" I asked. "What was that about?!"

"I wasn't thinking" he replied. "And I'm sorry but we will only be friends. Nothing more."

That was my breaking point.

It's been two years since I confessed my feelings for him. "Nothing will change between us" he said once I told him. Little did I know that everything would.

He's never had feelings for me but I was hopeful and thought that maybe he might see a future with me just like I imagined with him. I was wrong. I was always wrong.

At first it was awkward between us and I was upset that I had lost a friend. However as time passed, we got closer and closer.

My friends told me that he didn't actually feel the same way and was just using me. For what reason, I don't know he never explained it to me. After everything he did, he never gave me a good reason.

I knew he was just using me and my feelings, but I didn't care. They were my feelings and my memories and even if they were fake, they were precious to me. They were my all.

Two years have gone by since I told him. A few months have gone by since I last saw him. Since I last talked to him. And yet, even as I know now what he did and how it truly affected me, I'm not over him.

I still get butterflies just thinking about him. I dream about our future together and all the little things we will do if we were to get together. He's my favorite I love you, even if I haven't said it to him in person, but most importantly, he's my favorite what if.