Blind With Lust *Anniversary Edition* --REWORKING--

Chapter 7.5 *

A/N: This chapter is entirely new and added because the events of Chapter 7 really didn't blend with what is going on in Chapter 8. So, this chapter is supposed to bridge these chapters more smoothly. Hope you enjoy.

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I

The deal that Damian and I made only lasted for a couple of days before we realized what was actually going on. I still didn't know why I was comfortable with it, but I guess what Damian said was part right: when you have a moral system where fucking your brother is fine, cheating just doesn't seem as bad. Maybe that was the reason why. Or maybe it was because this was the safer of the two options, an alternative to when everything goes belly up. Sure my feelings for Adrian are real, but when it comes down to living our lives together, I think Damian has Adrian beat on that part. I mean it was something I just couldn't stop thinking about. I just kept thinking about myself, Adrian, Damian, my dad, and I kept adding them into the variables of my life. And what seemed the most correct, the most obvious, was that Damian+Me= something.

And although I had thought about all this thoroughly and came up with a suitable conclusion, I also kept going back to Adrian. I guess it was because Adrian+Me= safety. I meant, I really thought about it too. Cuz, if Damian and I became something, my dad would still find a way to hurt me. I knew Damian wouldn't be able to handle that. Damian had a loving dad that sadly passed away when he was young. I came to realize the only reason he acted so tough when he was at school was because he didn't want anyone to know how much he hurt inside. Maybe we latched on together because of that aspect alone. Basically, I knew that Damian wouldn't be truly able to protect me.

Adrian could, though. He promised me. And as we spent more time together, loving each other in every which way, I knew he would fight for me. That was why I needed him too. Someone to protect me from my dad.

It was all so confusing. It was all so wrong and right. It was all so truthful and deceitful. It was all so good and bad. And I couldn't decide. I couldn't choose one over the other because each had something I needed, something that made my life worth living.

I was stuck.

Having sex all the time didn't help either, but I just couldn't stop my desire to have both of them. It was if my lust was acting as a coping mechanism for the fear and anxiety. It was acting like medicine, giving me some power back that I didn't have. It allowed me to be me in front of two people who only wanted the best for me. And I know Damian didn't seem like he was trying to do the best for me in the beginning, but as we lusted after each other, he saw me as someone more than just a uptight boy who always sat next to him in class and who would always jeer him. He saw me as an equal.

The same was true for Adrian. Adrian even told me after we had a night together that he had never seen me so free—never so unrestrained by anything. And all I could do was cry when he told me that. He held me and apologized (of course), but I told him I would be okay. I told him as long as we do what we do, he could see me like I was. He agreed.

The thing was that that was just my lust towards both of them. I couldn't see past that. I knew what was beyond that: love. But love seemed like too much. At least, real true love. Cuz we would say we loved each other—both Damian and Adrian—but I think we just said it to cap the experiences we had so that it made it right. But I knew we weren't actually meaning those things. It was just a politeness, like saying thank you or goodbye. Saying I love you meant nothing. To me, at least.

So that's the way things were going. I was messing with two boys, not really thinking about the future much; letting each day pass without mentioning anything to Adrian (Damian already knew about us, so not much to hide with him).