Forever Kind of Love

Chapter 32

You know what, maybe I can run just a little longer. Before making the conscious decision to do it, I'm unbuckling and literally running out of the car. I get about halfway to my door when I hear Kai's door slam and his footsteps coming up quickly behind me. His legs are too long for me to escape.

My front door is unlocked and open when Kai comes up right behind me. The heat of his body dispels the frost in the air. I shove into my apartment, but Kai stays on me like my shadow. As soon as we're inside, Kai turns us around so that my back is up against the door and his chest is pressing into mine.

I stay frozen, not that I have much of a choice, as Kai locks the door behind me and captures me in his storming green eyes. He's mad and confused and hurt. I'm mad and confused too, but only at myself. The tension between us is thick as we pant against each other. I want him just as much as I'm scared of these feelings. If Kai ended up just like the other guys, I don't know if I'd ever want to try to love again.

I put my hands on his shoulders, unsure if I want to push him away or pull him closer. The vulnerability that comes into Kai's eyes as he senses my dilemma is what tears down the wall I've been building between us.

"Kai, I'm scared," I choke out. He tries to pull back from me, like maybe he's physically scaring me, but I keep my hold on his shoulders so that he doesn't move. Tears start slipping down my cheeks because it's just all too much. "I love you and I'm scared that one day I'll stop. I'm scared of waking up and realizing we aren't right for each other, or that I don't really know you at all."

I'm still staring into Kia's face, even as the tears blur my vision. His jaw is still tight from the anger and confusion, but his eyes are all full of love. It's like he's trying to show me that my fears aren't possible through his eyes alone.

"Amelia, baby, it's okay to be scared. You scared me from the moment I saw you."

"What?"

He moves his hands to my waist, gently rubbing circles over my ribcage with his thumbs.

"Amelia, I saw you and thought you were beautiful. The more I saw you, the more beautiful, loving, bright, and passionate you were. You were someone who had the power to wreck me."

"Kai, it's not the same. I always fall in love and it blindsides me. I love you so much, but I want it to be real. I want it to be forever."

Kai leans down until our mouths are just inches apart. He searches my eyes intensely before whispering, "Amelia, this is our forever. I choose this forever with you every day. Please choose it with me." Then he slowly leans in and kisses me softly. The kiss is like a stamp on what he just said. I had never thought that I was already living my forever; I thought there would be something different to mark its beginning.

But as Kai draws his face back from me, desperate hope written across his face, I can imagine choosing him every day. My forever is my choice, and I don't want to be so afraid that I never choose. I can't expect my forever to fall into my lap. My forever kind of love is going to be hard and beautiful and evolve with me.

I move one hand to the back of Kai's neck, that hand that used to be wrapped up safely but prevented me from doing what I loved, and pull him back to me for another kiss. This kiss is different. It's a rough promise that I'm all in, that he's my choice too. Kai meets me stroke for stroke.

"I love you Kai," I whisper when we break apart, struggling for air. "I choose forever with you."

I'd never seen Kai look as beautiful as he did smiling back at me in that moment.