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C O N F E S S I O N S P T. T W O "i wondered if it was possible to take someone's pain away with a kiss."
—
THE NEXT MORNING, EVERYTHING seemed to have brushed past as if nothing ever happened.
The only person I haven't seen is Drew.
The sky was grey, and there was a chill in the air. It was going to rain soon.
It was so misty outside that it took me a minute to find him. I finally did, about a half mile down. It always came back to the beach.
He was sitting, his knees close to his chest. He didn't look at me when I sat down next to him; he just stared out at the ocean, and the waves crashing against the sand.
His eyes were these bleak and empty abysses, like sockets. There was nothing there. The boy I thought I knew so well was gone. He looked so lost as he sat there silently.
I didn't know whether to smother him in a apologies, or to just remain quiet and just sit there with him. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared after the events of last night, but I would also be lying if I said I didn't love him the way I used to.
We just sat there for a little. Hearing the waves loudly crash against the the ground, and the leaves on the trees rustle in the wind. I watched as the tide drew out, and crashed back again—further in this time.
It reminded me of him. Of us. The old pull, the tide drawing me back in. I keep getting caught in this current—of love, I mean. My love for him kept making me come back to this. He still took my breath away from just being near him. I thought I was free, and that I let him go. But truth be told, I would never let him go.
"I'm so sorry. I'm really, really, sorry. For every—" I began to speak.
"Please stop talking." Drew said, his voice frail and weak. I shut my mouth immediately, and nodded slightly, understanding that he wanted to be alone.
"Sorry." I whispered, before standing up to go back in the house. I was always saying the wrong thing.
"Don't leave." He said, looking up at me with glossy eyes. I froze, but complied nonetheless.
His shoulders collapsed, and so did his face. He hid it in his hands, and suddenly we were both teenagers again.
I felt bad for him. Words couldn't express how much I hated seeing him in this state. I couldn't express how sorry I was for last night. I shouldn't have said anything. If I hadn't told him I loved him, none of this would've happened.
Drew bowed his head, his shoulders broken and bent. He was finally crying.
"Fuck—" he breathed out, as the sobs began to wrack his body.
Drew Starkey, who always seemed to be in control, was sobbing in front of me. I'd never seen him cry about his personal life before; I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. I just sat there, watching him, the tears building up in my eyes from just seeing him cry.
I wondered if it was possible to take someone's pain away with a kiss. Because that's what I wanted to do, take all the sadness away from him and pour it out of him. To comfort the boy before me, and make him feel okay again. I wondered if he wanted me to comfort him.
Grief was cold—colder than the wind blowing past us. The tears are bitter, and only seemingly make the pain worse. His tears were a river flowing down his cheek, stinging his skin. Sadness is so overwhelming that the person feels like they're being pulled underwater, and that's what I felt just watching him.
I placed a hand to the back of his neck, stroking the back of his hair as he cried. He looked over at me, and I moved my hand to cup his face, wiping the tears away as if it would fix everything. His eyes were stained red, and his eyelashes were wet.
He glanced down at my lips briefly, and that's all it took for me to kiss him. I leaned in, softly crashing my lips onto his. Tentatively at first, but then he started kissing me back, and we were kissing each other. And that's when my mind went pure blinding white, and my only thought was I'm kissing Drew Starkey, and he's kissing me back. His lips were warm and needy. He needed me. I could feel the tears on his cheek transfer onto mine.
He pulled away first. "I'm sorry." He said, his voice raw and scratchy as a few more tears rolled down his face.
"For what?" I couldn't seem to catch my breath.
"It can't happen like this." He stopped, and started again. "I do think about you, you know that. I just can't... can you... can you just stay here with me?" He asked, his head hanging low. I nodded, afraid to open my mouth and ruin anything.
I took his hand and squeezed it tightly, letting him know I'm here for him. Then he rested his head on my shoulder, and it felt like the first right thing that has happened to me in a while. We sat there in the sand, like it was something we'd been doing all along. Everything was falling into place.
My love for this boy will never be described. Oh how much I wanted to hold him, and for him to hold me back. And now it was finally happening. It was like every bone in my body reacted to his touch.
It started to rain, soft at first. The first raindrops hit the sand, and the grains beaded up and rolled away.
It started to come down harder, and I wanted to go back inside to the house, but I could tell Drew didn't. So I sat there with him, as the rain fell heavily on us, holding his hand and saying nothing. Everything else seemed really far away; it was just us.
