"Baby! I got you a present, happy anniversary!" I say, a huge grin on my face as I don't try to mask my happiness. Holding an average sized box in my hands, I look at my boyfriend, Landen's, eyes. He didn't have a smile on his face, his eyes were void of emotion. I was confused, we had been together for three years at this point, and he didn't seem excited.
"Hey, are you okay? Did something happen?" I say, my expression forming into a worried one, I place the present on the nearby surface. Putting my hand on the side of Landen's face, I ask again "Are you okay?". He closes his eyes and turns his head away from my hand. I lower it to my side.
"Baby, what happened?" I ask, my heart pounding, I could hear it in my head as if my body was pulsating from how hard the pounds were. Feeling my heart sink from fear, I felt sick.
"Talk to me, please. I'm here for you, please, what happened baby?" I ask, pleading. I was worried. What if something bad happened? What if he was falling out of love with me and wants to end it?
I reach for his hand, put my light touch doesn't last long on his cold hand before he pulls it away.
"This isn't working." He says, vaguely. My heart left my body, a pain replacing it.
"What?" I ask.
He turns to walk away.
"Hey! What the fuck! What the fuck do you mean?" I say, raising my voice, not too much to cause a scene, but enough for him to hear me.
My vision goes blurry, I couldn't tell if he'd stopped or if he was walking away.
"This isn't working for me, we're just not right for each other. I found someone new. Goodbye." He said. His voice was cold, as if it was vanquished of emotion.
My body felt heavy. His blurry figure shrunk, smaller and smaller. My weight gathered in my chest, and I fell to my knees, hearing whispers all around me, my brain felt small. My thoughts silent. My chest in pain, but not the type you could cure with medicine. My face felt wet, my shoulders sulked, my hands clutching my skirt, as I sat on the floor. I screamed, crying through the pain. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, the screaming was my pain overflowing trying to leave my body before my thoughts could bottle it. I screamed for a good 30 seconds, before I collapsed, my head dizzy.
I was conscious. My body splayed across the floor, jerking inwards as I cried. My eyes struggling to stay open.
I feel my pocket vibrating, so I reach for it. My stomach flat on the floor. As I struggle to pull it out, I see a pair of feet beside me. I look up through my still slightly blurry eyes. A woman, mid twenties maybe, holding her hand out. I reach for her hand, prying myself off the concrete floor. I didn't notice, but it was raining.
She offers me her umbrella but I shake my head. As I stumble to my feet, I thank the woman, and struggle to walk towards the road. I steady myself, but stop, just at the curb. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I ignore the missed call, and texts from my friend, and went straight to the Uber app, ordering an Uber to my location.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I slumped on the couch, a bottle in one hand, and teddy in a headlock with my free arm. The headlock is my drunk attempt to cuddle it. In the bottle is 46.5% alcohol vodka. Half empty. I guess when you say empty or full can be either rather empty or rather full. Like my life. Saying I'm half empty means I took away, saying I'm half full means I added.
My life feels like it's lost a lot. I feel empty, through and through. My phone is probably dead, god knows where it is. My mind feels incapable of consuming data. I lost the man I loved, the man I cared for so hard. I tried my hardest for him, always doing what he asked. I loved him, he was everything I wanted and more, except for when he had his mood swings.
He could go from happy to furious in a split second. I never had a chance to respond. Yet I still loved him, even when he'd compare me to his ex. I know, big ol' red flag. But I ignored it. I blamed it on the phase he was going through. He had just lost his mum.
But I'm the one who's lost someone now. It's like someone rips out my heart and attempted to glue it in place but only made it worse. He found someone knew? After three years, he found someone before we had ended. I wonder who it was.
I felt my head explode, as I bursted into tears once again, thinking about how he found someone better than me. I knew it could happen, but i never wanted to think like that. I rolled off the couch, falling on my stomach, I'm the cold, tiled floor of the living room.
"I need him... I need him. I need him!" I yell the last part, then start screaming once again, my brows furrowing into my skull, causing a penetratingly painful headache. Three years. Gone. I lost him. I lost..
I'm lost.
