Hidden Desire

Chapter 13~ Unhealthy Boundaries

Pain changes you a lot.

And for me, betrayal changed me a lot

Flashback

It was like any other day, the cold weather left frostbites on my skin, it was early December, and the courtyard was coated white with the heavy snow that was falling.

It all started last year when I was in the second term of my 4th year in high school.

I grabbed my coat, slipped my arms through, and zipped it up. I pulled on my gloves and my woolly hat.

I hated this time of the year, the lack of moisture in the air made my skin pale.

I made my way inside to the crowded hallway, the sound of lockers opening and closing met my ear, leaving me cringing at the sound of clanging metal, even though I was wearing earmuffs, it was still loud and consistent enough for me to hear.

But then everybody paused, all the loud chatter, and giggles faded and whispering took over along with judgmental and pity stares.

Right in front of me stood my best friend and ex-boyfriend, who made a sex tape to blackmail me, kissing. His hands held her waist firmly and her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

Well, that hurts, seeing the person you thought you could trust with everything and anything, dating a sorry excuse of a boy who almost ruined your life and reputation.

Present Time

No one knew what I felt that day, no one got the reaction they expected. I could never forget the nasty smirk that was smeared across his face. I was disgusted.

Laila made my life a fucking hell, she spread rumors and secrets. She had me get picked on and messed with. But no matter what had happened, she was the only one I had, I mean...I thought I had.

And when she left, all my happiness and trust went with her. I guess shit does happen, and that shit messes you up. ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Days flew by, and months. I started showing, the cravings came, and so did the pain and fatigue. My mother didn't bother to look at me, she hired someone to do it instead.

At night I would cry myself to sleep, some days I didn't eat, and others I just sat in my room and stare at the wall.

I wasn't smiling anymore, I mean...why would I? when I'm locked inside, away from the world, and all enjoyment.

I should have probably thought about that before doing shit and messing up so badly.

But as I was saying-

I did my best with the school. I try to remember that this will soon end in few months. And I'll have to graduate.

I did online shopping, for myself and my baby. And I was in awe at how cute the clothes were. I had bonding time, I know he/she hears my voice a lot. I can't wait to see his/her smile. And have his/her tiny hand wrapped around my finger.

I wasn't exactly enjoying this, but I have to think positively. It was the only thing keeping me afloat.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Droplets of oil fell on my face, I took both of my hands and started rubbing it in, I caressed my cheeks, it soon become silky soft and left a glowing effect. It was a part of my nighttime routine. Pregnancy comes with acne, unfortunately, and I have to remain beautiful.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I smiled faintly, resting my hands on my tummy. I loved how this baby brought meaning to my life.

You could say I'm proud, but what's the sense of being ashamed. I chose to keep him/her, and now my heart and life go out to this angel.

"Wanna walk with me downstairs?" Natalie said from behind as she held my shoulders.

"For what?" I asked rolling my eyes

"Your mom wants to have a word with you, she asked me to get you" she mumbled

"And please don't give her a reaction, it will lead to an argument and you shouldn't be putting too much pressure on yourself, just listen" she said spinning me around, then tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear.

"Okay, I'll try my best"

My hands gripped the railing tightly as I took careful steps, making my way down the stairs, I saw her waiting in the living room seated on a couch.

"Yes, Helen?" I said announcing my presence in front of her.

"I'm going to cut straight to the point, cause I don't feel like talking to you right now," she said irritably.

As if she is ever in the mood to speak to me.

"Your father is coming home tonight and he doesn't know, you will not mention anything about the rules I set for you. You will tell him it's your idea" she said challenging me with a long defiant stare.

She was not the mother I once knew and loved.