Darkest thoughts from a deeper void

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My body aches and my head is spinning. I don't know which way is up but I feel like I'm drowning. The pressure in my chest matches the pounding of my heart. I don't know which way is up but the world just keeps on spinning. It doesn't see I'm drowning in the waves of my emotions. It's too much to bear and yet it makes me sick. This darkness I feel makes the fog twice as thick. I love my family dearly but is that to be the cost. My mind or the selfishness is it worth the price? Do I fight or do I flee? Do I drown or do I breath? What's worth more to you girl, the life you want or the life you need? Keep giving yourself over and they'll take all that they can. But you're not standing on stable ground and it's crumbling and shattered. The burning question in your head is "have I ever even mattered?"

The truth is you don't but none of us ever have. If we all died tomorrow the axis wouldn't stop. It would just keep spinning to the end if it's days. When the sun burns out and in comes the waves. The tide would fill the darkness and snuff out what's left. Seek out the last candle and make it breathe it's last breath.. You can paddle and swim. Push and then shove. But you can't escape the tide that swallows from above. The tears of the people will fill up the masses. But the tide is unrelenting in its everlasting blight. The tears of the children too make the angels weep. But no one can save you because you have what you seek. You must be the one to rise up above. But your wings have been clipped so you drown with the dove. Your love will not find you not in this world or the next. And all of this hate will just leave you perplexed.

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