It happened at the worst of times, it always happens at the worst of times. But the worst of times are also the best of times. The times when I get to see him, sit next to him, talk to him...it becomes all about HIM. Why is that you ask? Well if I had the answer I would tell you but I'm just as confused as you would be if you were in my position. I love him, I really do, sometimes more than I love myself, but I can't tell him that. He'll think I'm crazy, insane maybe. Maybe I am insane but I can't help it, I love with all my heart, which is sometimes dangerous.
HELP ME!!! SOS!!! SOMEBODY!!! Anybody!!! Please! I feel like I'm too far gone in this whole crush/love/friendship/flirtationship thing. I can't tell the difference between flirting and being genuine anymore and that scares me a bit. I don't know what it is but when I find a friend, I latch myself onto that friend until I push them away because I'm either too clingy, too closed off, or too delusional, stuck in my own mind. I've lost about three close friends because I wanted something that they didn't want. I lived in a fantasy world and was too blinded by a crush to open my eyes to the real world. They only wanted a friendship and were interested in someone else, but me being well...me, tried to pursue them until I literally pushed them away. Maybe that's why I'm single. I'm too invested in a person that when I get hurt or heartbroken, I completely shut down and build a cage around my heart. The more I get heartbroken, the more I shield myself off from romance while building a steel trap around my heart and mind.
Maybe that's why I don't let people in as much as I would like. I've let people in too many times just to get my trust broken and heart shattered. I wish I could use emojis in real life because it would be way easier than to try to explain my thought process even to my best friend. Maybe that's why I text so much instead of talk on the phone, or in person really. I don't really know how to express my feeling out loud but I can talk dirty, sweet, sassy, innocent, and guilty all in one text conversation. Maybe that's why I feel like I live my life in my head because I read what someone is saying and I try to imagine them saying it to my face.
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The X File
HumorIt's weird that I'm starting this way late in my life when I could've done this at the beginning but better late than never, right? So I got this idea to wrote out my thoughts about life from "After 3" and I thought it would be good to write out ev...
