ꜱᴛᴜᴄᴋ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ- ᴋɪʟʟᴜᴀ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ [OLD]

14- 𝘉𝘦 𝘹 𝘚𝘢𝘧𝘦, 𝘔𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘹 𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘹 𝘊𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴

I walked out the door, limbs in hand, not even take a moment to look at Killua and Gon's faces. I walked over to the park across the street, which my mom and I would go to when she had free time, and began to dig a hole in the grass with my hands. I cried more and more as the hole got deeper and deeper. Killua sat down in the grass next to me and began to dig too with a small frown on his face. I put the arm and the leg inside the whole and wept, soaking both the dirt and the appendages with my tears. "You know...she always said she'd die before I did...but I didn't think she meant this early." I sniffled. Killua stood up and wrapped his arm around me, rubbing my shoulder as he did so. "I got mad at her a lot, but I never wanted her to die. I wasn't ready for her to die."

"I know, Y/n. Sometimes, we say we hate people. Sometimes, we say we'd rather them leave our lives. But we never mean it." He comforted. "I know you didn't mean it. She knows you didn't mean it." I just nodded along to his words, not even sure of what to say at this point. "We're never ready for someone to leave us. It's something that happens suddenly. We can't control it. But, that doesn't mean we shouldn't live our lives. In fact, this is the reason why we have to keep living. We all die in the end but living for as long as you can proves that you never gave up. Your mom didn't give up though. It was just something that had to happen. Whatever god or deity up there planned it. Or, if you don't believe in that, think of it as fate."

"Fate?" I repeated, still weeping.

"Mhm. Sometimes someone's journey has to end so you can continue yours." Killua nodded. "But...promise me that you won't end your journey?" He frowned, taking my hands. "I need you to live for as long as possible. Your mother was murdered, so was Will, and your dad died of his own conditions, but you...you have to live. I need you to live."

"You need me to?" I looked down at our shoes.

"Yes. What's life without the people you love?" He smiled warmly. "Now, how about we cover up her grave and find some nice flowers for her?" He offered.

"Ah, okay."I sniffled, wiping some tears away with my sleeve. We covered the hole back up with dirt with several big pushes. The body parts were covered up with soil as we began our hunt for flowers.

"Wait, I have flowers!" Gon shouted, running across the street. "Here." He panted, holding some sunflowers.

"Thank you Gon. That was very considerate of you." I chuckled, my nose feeling stuffy from all the crying. I put the flowers in the ground and stood back, looking at the homemade grave. "It's so hard to believe she's gone now. I'm gonna miss her nagging." I smiled. "But, she's with Dad and Will now. She'll be happy to see them all again. She'll probably throw a bunch of cigs out of dad's mouth." I laughed, remembering the stories she'd tell me of him. "Say hi to Will for me. Tell 'im that Y/n's all grown up." I kissed my two fingers and put them on top of the dirt before walking away. "Let's go guys. We need to get some money, right?"

Just then my phone buzzed.

It was a text from my mom, miraculously enough.

'be safe, make good choices.'
sent 1 week ago

"I will mom." I smiled, looking down at the message, letting a single teardrop hit the screen. "You do the same, okay?"

~~

That night, we had checked into the hotel, and all immediately showered. The boys were already asleep in their beds, but I sat awake.

I recognized the scent of the hotel somewhere, but I wasn't sure where I had smelled the fragrance before. The room smelled of lavender and honey.

Then it hit me.

This was the hotel from my dream about Quinn. Same carpeting, same beds, same scent, everything was almost a direct copy. My legs started to shake as I stood up in my pajamas and went out the door. There had been so much that had happened today, and this was a chance I didn't want to take. I reached for my phone and looked for Quinn's number, but then remembered I didn't have it. I stood and just gazed at my phone screen with wide eyes, not sure of what my next decision would be. I walked out to the hotel's balcony and sat on it, my legs swinging over the edge. I wasn't gonna jump, I knew that much.

I looked at the trees and the people down below, who looked back at me before walking away again. Something was wrong. Very wrong. There was one person who didn't keep walking, but rather, just kept staring at me from the other side of the road. I looked away and went back inside, thinking nothing of it, despite how unnerving it was.

I didn't want to go back to the room, but I wasn't sure where else to go, so I settled. I opened the door, shutting it behind me, and laid down on my bed, thinking so many thoughts.

Why would someone want to kill my mom?

She was an ordinary person and didn't know very many people. She was very polite to strangers, being quick, but kind. Her job wasn't that important. She was just a regular office worker. She was a secretary for christ's sake. It's not like she worked for the government or was some sort of spy. She was just a regular woman.

Maybe someone hated her for some reason.

Maybe it was my own selfishness that killed her.

I was a selfish child.

I knew it.

I didn't think it was bad, but it was what killed my mother.

Actually...

Maybe I killed my mother somehow.

Maybe I was the killer here.