He knew they were only joking, but somehow it didn't feel that way. To him it felt like every little thing said to him was an insult.
Some of the things said weren't even serious but to Calum, he took them to heart and sometimes it really fucking h...
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One for being annoying. One for ruining everything. One for being dumb. One for being a disappointment. One for being insecure. One for being selfish. One for being fake. One for being boring.
And some more just for the hell of it.
Calum didn't cut his wrists, at least not yet..
He did something a little bit different.
Instead of tearing open his tan colored skin, he placed nasty black and blue bruises upon it; bruises that trailed up and down his arms, flowed down his legs and occasionally they ended up painting his tummy a pretty purple.
When Calum was younger he first bruised himself during a mental breakdown, all of the pent up anger and frustration got to him; drove him over the edge. He started bruising when he was twelve, he was eighteen now and didn't think to stop.
He cried and cried, hitting himself in the head over and over again until he decided it wasn't good enough. Nobody was home and his desires got the best of him, which led him to a hammer, and that led him to today.
That morning he spilt the dog food and got scolded by his mother, who forced him to pick up every single piece individually before throwing them away. Dumb.
At school he watched his two best friends practically ignore him since they were so infatuated with one another. He wanted them to pay attention to him for once but at the same time he wanted to be alone. Selfish.
He asked his maths teacher too many questions and the man ended up screaming his lungs out at the boy, to the point where Calum was almost in tears. Annoying.
And just ten minutes ago he watched his mother take his sister out the door to enjoy a nice family dinner with their father, leaving the boy alone and sulking in his room. Disappointment.
The small boy was just broken, he had nobody. His mother never paid him any mind, his father was never home, his sister was older than him and about to head of to University.
If Calum was being honest he was terrified of what might come when his sister leaves. He didn't know if things would change, would his Mum suddenly pay attention to him, or would things become worse?
His friends always seemed to blow him off for other people, recently Michael had found a new friend named Dylan, and Harry had found a new friend called Louis who he was really crushing hard on.
He had no one.
So he bruised himself. He bruised himself in places he tried so hard to hide, he always wore long sleeves and jeans. He was always so worried that someone would find them.
But maybe his worry was actually hope..
Maybe he wanted someone to ask him how he feels.
Maybe he wanted his Mum to ask him why he was wearing a sweater in 90 degree weather, or his gym coach to realize he wore sweats and sweatshirt while every other guy was fine with a t-shirt and basketball shorts.
