The stag hunt with the scarlet heart

Chapter 4 "Butterflies shouldn't feel like a warning sign"

We often suffer more from our imagination than from reality, these are Seneca's words. I always thought that was true, until now. I want you to know there's a hand I want to hold, as a loaded weapon, but it would no longer be his skin.

Those thoughts keep burying me deeper and deeper, I keep running from them, I know I have made a mistake. A much more adult and mature Saffron would have followed through to the end, no matter the distance. But when you go down your darkest roads, only the road to the graveyard remains.

Butterflies shouldn't feel like a warning sign, that was my first thought when I looked at him, his footsteps becoming audible as I remained static. It's crazy when the thing you love the most is walking towards you like a resurrected ghost.

He would have looked at me with his eyes so deep, I don't even know how he does it, but it pierces me, this is getting real. I close the door to those thoughts, I'm drunk at the wheel and I can't hide it anymore.

It's him.

What is he doing here? If he sees me I have no idea how I will explain to him why I ran out, so I slowly try to hide in my office, but Jack is already pointing at me making his way towards me with a huge smile, as the bear man stares at me with —there is surprise and joy shining in his eyes.

I squeeze Autumn's hand. She looks up and sees my face. She looks for my point of view, not getting why I'm acting this way, she asks me what's wrong with me, or so I think. Right now, I can't hear anything except my heart. I don't want to see his eyes, so I look down.

When they're close enough, Autumn freezes next to me and I hear her gasp "Atlas" Jack comes up first and gives me a kiss on the cheek, I don't know if he can feel my body tremble, but I'm pretty sure from here to China and back they can see it. I feel like a sheet of paper.

"Are you all right? Why are you so pale?" Jack worried.

"It's okay, she's just had a long day," Autumn replies when she sees that my reaction time is slow.

"You need to take it easy." He makes a reproachful noise like a squirrel with his tongue. "I forgot to introduce you to my son, Callum," I look up abruptly and find myself looking into those damn blue eyes. "Callum, this is our editor-in-chief, the star of the Company, Saffron Alba."

Despite the pride in Jack's voice, I'm still paralyzed, not knowing what to do, how can he be their son? I think if I run away now, they'll think I'm out of my mind, and if I come back with my tail between my legs because I need and love this job, I won't know how to explain why I left, I don't even know how to explain to myself my reactions.

Obviously, he is not Atlas and I don't think he is related, but fear and anxiety run through my body. It took many years and a lot of therapy to forget what those eyes were doing to me, and all of a sudden comes back. With this guy it's different, it's not just his eyes, it's something else, there's something in them as if I were Atlas in another body. He looks at me... the same.

He looks at me the way Atlas did.

A tremor runs through my body as Autumn coughs bringing me out of my thoughts, everyone is looking at me, I remember we were being introduced, trying to compose myself I reach out my hand when Callum takes it I don't feel anything or so I tell myself because warning signs, they can feel like butterflies, Halsey said so, and now I believe her. I want to jump up and walk away. I manage to grimace hoping it resembles a smile and finally find my voice.

"Welcome, your father told me a lot about you." I sound unstable.

"I can finally give a face to the girl who has my dad so amazed, he doesn't stop talking about you, that you're an expert on writers, the book designs are a work of art, and a million other things." I look at Jack and just smile.