start over | dreamwastaken x reader (sequel to split)

08 | LEAVING

Clay leaves with the boys without another word. My house falls to its settled silence and I'm stuck with my own thoughts. There is no outside influence. There is just me, alone, with my thoughts. Nothing more. It is exactly what I require to make my decision.

Dr. Elmore told me that making a pros and cons list is the best way to come to a conclusion about everything. But I already have my mind made up. I will choose Clay. I will always choose Clay. But the real reason for separating myself is to figure out what I do with my life. Do I drop it all like I did before? Do I move out, quit my job, and return to the place that broke us? Or do we love from a distance and take things day by day? Do we fight the inevitable or do we just fold all in on it now?

Every part of me wants to run. Run from my now back to my past. I want to run away from the pain and make it disappear. It's what I've done before. Every time he's hurt me I've put a mental block up and just let things go. And I will do it again. It's just how long until it sets in?

I can already feel myself slipping. Just like I knew I would the moment I laid my eyes on him. He's been my other half since we met and honestly, I really can't live my life without him.

As I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling I find myself yearning to be in the comfort of his arms. I already miss him. Just that little interaction we had has my nerve endings firing for his touch. My body was lighting up from just a few hours together. This is a feeling that I hadn't had in so long. It felt good to feel myself again.

I pull my phone off my bedside table and open up the photos on my phone. My finger hovers over the hidden folder as I debate whether or not it's a good idea to click the button. My heart wins the battle as always and I get distracted by the faceless boy.

Looking back at our times together, I never realized how many I took photos of him. Candid photos he doesn't know exist. Videos of him goofing off he had no idea I've taken. They are moments so innocent that as much as I wish the world could see him at his most vulnerable parts, I want the images to myself. I'm too selfish to even share them with him. I was too selfish to delete them when we ended.

The photos and videos bought a feeling of home when home was so far away. The photos and videos made me smile a smile that only he can bring out of me. These rare moments were always at my fingertips and I couldn't let them go... ever.

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iMessage

Me: I think this might make your night a little easier. I do love you Clay.

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Along with the message I send a video of the two of us. He's sat on the couch in the living room with Patches curled up on his lap. I've got one of the blankets on of his fans made him draped over my lap. He's zoned out watching a storm out one of the windows in the room.

I point the camera at myself and place my index finger to my lips as if I'm shushing someone on the other end of a video call before flipping the camera back to Clay. His hands are running down the back of Patches as she drools all over his lap. A cats worst feature I swear.

My feet poke out from underneath the blanket and shove under him. His head shoots quickly in my direction as he lifts himself up off the couch to get away from my feet. I begin laughing as I move my feet further under him.

"Babe!" He calls out as he drops Patches to the floor to grab at my feet. His face has a smile plastered to it as he wraps his hands around my feet. Holding onto them tight as he tickles the bottoms.