STALL : The Beginning

TAPE ONE.

"It's only just a crush, it'll go away

It's just like all the others it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger and he just don't know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow"

Song: Tear you apart - She wants revenge.

*****

May 2019:

Sitting in this chair, surrounded by these red lights and that same music has my hands shaking in this basement.

I take a breath, looking up to the VHS camera in front of me and trying to speak before I let out a frustrated huff, "Uh... I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing. God this feels stupid. I don't know how to do this shit."

Maybe this idea was fucking stupid.

I tilt my head back and curse into the air, "No, fuck, I need to try. This is my choice. I have a choice."

I'm covered in sweat and feel like I want to rip my own skin off, but I keep thinking about how I felt in that pool. The power it felt like I had. The way Abby looked at me.

How proud she was.

How good I felt.

The memories. Focus on the memories.

Good memories.

My fingers rub at my eyes with my head pounding as I say, "But I should start this with the first night I don't want to forget."

I sit up in the chair, looking over my shoulder to the bathtub, feeling my stomach twist.

I exhale a long shaky breath before closing my eyes and facing towards the camera again, forcing myself to talk and trying to keep the memories in my mind that I want.

Not the nightmares I've had created in this place.

It's hard getting the words out, my voice is so tight with stress but I push myself.

"It all began in 2015. I was at my club... it was a regular night. But it's the night my life would change and I had no idea at the time."

My eyes start to open as I picture that night, and let it all come flooding back to me while I look up to the camera.

"I guess I should talk about the first night I met Abby..."

And the way I remember it...

*****

Year: 2015

"We've gotta leave in about half an hour."

Jimmy's loud voice yells over the heavy music, sitting next to me on the couch.