True North [Stucky Fanfiction - IN PROGRESS]

39 - The Painful Conversations

Leave me alone!

Bucky, the real Bucky (but who's to say?) shrieks into the silence of his own mind at the Asset's control. Soviet coding beats him back and he's forced to watch helplessly through his own eyes as he attacks first Steve, then Natasha, then both at the same time; more than that, he has to watch Steve fight back, traces of his years as a soldier coming to the surface.

He does what he can from the inside, feeling and seeing what the Asset feels and sees but not thinking on the same track and using that to his advantage. He claws at the mind of the Soviet in him, falling and fighting and wrangling with the code in the hopes that maybe, maybe, something will budge.

The Asset freezes when Natasha gives him new instructions, and Bucky thinks she may have stumbled upon a weakness. Let me out! he roars, as best as a submissive mind can, and it may have been a fluke but perhaps the Asset's mind flinches in response.

He's losing himself. It's terrifyingly small in this place, with no control over his limbs or half his thoughts. The sensation of Steve dragging the Asset's limp body against his own is shared by both inhabitants, but it's not the Asset's to experience. Hydra forced this mind into Bucky's; it's not fair that it should ever be the one in control.

Not again, the Asset mutters, invading his thoughts once more.

Bucky takes on something more tangible than just thoughts and punches his invader back. That wasn't me.

It was us.

Shut up. Bucky retreats backward again, preferring the cold space of silence and small to this sickening conversation with a programmed killer. His body is tied to Hydra, not him. It's not the same thing.

We are the same thing. This event proves it. You killed before Hydra ever began experiments on you. Was your heart ever in it?

If Bucky could grind his teeth, he would. The Asset is a lot more blunt than Hydra's showy goons and parading generals. War is war. You kill because you have to.

Then we are truly not that different, it seems.

Both Bucky and the Asset snap to attention at Natasha speaking Russian. "Wake up" doesn't banish the Asset's control, and when she realizes it has no effect, she chews on her nails for a moment, pondering. Meanwhile, Bucky realizes his body has been moved to a different interrogation room and looks around for Steve without moving his eyes. He spots the blond in the opposite corner, slumped in a chair and staring at Bucky with intense focus.

You're gonna give yourself a headache if you keep that up, Stevie. Quit lookin' like that. You're bleeding, too, God, not an ounce of self-preservation, did Sarah teach you nothing?

The Asset stays quiet. Bucky probably would have pounded him into a pulp if he had intruded into his more private, non-conversational thoughts, if the ability to pulp-ify a psychological being were possible.

"Release," Natasha tries, again in Russian. The Asset gives off a smug aura, confident enough that none of her attempts will even come close. Bucky isn't sure what would work to fix this. He can't remember.

The redhead sighs. "Abandon." You're not exorcising a ghost here, try something else.

She curses in Russian, eliciting a degree of silent laughter from Bucky, yet she continues without knowing. "I don't understand. 'Stop' worked, but this could be anything."

"It's okay," Steve says, remaining postureless in his metal seat and fixated on Bucky even as Natasha stands. "I appreciate what you've done so far."

Natasha watches him watch the brunet for an uncomfortable amount of time, but Steve doesn't seem to notice.