Hyung (HeeJayWon short story) ✔

Chapter 19

(Ok to be honest, I don't know any title to put)

Jay

I woke up the next morning with Jungwon still clinging on me. He still have his face stained with tears making me want to keep him close to me. What if he will cry himself to sleep again if he will go with them? I definitely won't let that happen. Also, never have I thought that Daniel, my friend is actually related to Jungwon.

Why do I feel like crying?

Slowly, I walk out from the bed and into my bathroom. The moment I look at my reflection, the truth again showed itself and then I lost it again. Tears fall down from my eyes still not accepting the fact that time will come that I might not see him. I don't even want to think about it.

Just then I felt a familiar arm around my torso.

"You ok hyung?"

"Yeah . . don't mind me . . go wash up, ready for breakfast"

He grabs his toothbrush as we began our morning routine with him brushing his teeth and me washing my face.

This morning is very unusual. Before we will always chat about lots of things and more but now, I feel awkward. It's like I'm with an stranger and it even gets more awkward in my part when I recall the kiss in the cave.

Why did I thought of that?

After we're done with brushing and washing, I suddenly don't have any strength to go down so I just sat on my bed waiting for Jungwon to follow.

Just then, I felt someone sit beside me.

"Why are you not going down for breakfast?"

"I don't wanna ..Why do I feel like this? . . I feel so strange? Why do I feel awkward with you now? Why do I feel like I have to distance myself from you? Before I fell asleep, I asked myself, am I still allowed to hold your hand, to sleep beside you, to hug you or to cling onto you? . . . I feel like I'm not allowed to do those anymore"

"Trust me ..  Me too. And I feel weird in a way that I felt like it's illegal. .even looking at you feels illegal "

Now that he mentioned it, I began to see the picture. We can't hold hands, or be clingy, we're no longer brothers, we're not even brothers to begin with but me and Jungwon, people who don't know might see us as a couple and that won't be good for Heeseung and I.

And if Heeseung finds out that Jungwon isn't my brother, his jealousy and insecurity will surely be affected. I know that Heeseung has always been jealous at Jungwon but what made him not feel it very much, is because he knew Jungwon and I cannot be together. But now, I'm not sure anymore how to tell him.

I don't want him to be hurt .  .  he's already hurting from his sickness.

It is silent between the two of us making me turn my head to look at him and it turns out he's doing the same.

Looking at him now, I have a different feeling. Before, I am feeling attracted to him but I held it in.

But why do I feel quite happy now?

Why do I have this feeling of want towards him?

Do I want us?

I'm basically cheating with what I'm thinking.

I can't even read his face right now. Before , I can easily tell what he feels through his facial expressions, but I can't do it now.

He let out a sigh before averting his gaze towards the floor.

"I'm sorry. . I'll just go. . before I still can hold back my thoughts"

He stood up and left leaving me dumbfounded.

A few hours past and I am still just in my bed when a knock woke me up.

I open the door and my eyes widen when I saw Heeseung in front of my room.

"I heard . . . Daniel told me what happened. . I just came in to check on you"

"Baby . . what are you doing? You should not be going anywhere. . it's dangerous. . you should've called me. . .come in"

I was panicking.

You can't blame me, my sick boyfriend just showed up on my doorstep when he should me resting in the hospital.

"Hospital made me sick anyway. . plus, I would die soon so I want to make the most of my life . . staying in the hospital is not what I want"

"you're not gonna die . . ."

I wonder how grave I have sinned before for me to be able to be hurting like this. First, Jungwon ain't my brother and now Heeseung is dying.

Just why?

"Anyway. . . how are you? Daniel told me that his brother is really Jungwon and they switched? How are you?"

"I'm sorry . . . I plan to come to you but I am just so confused and all. . . what will I do?"

"Well . . . to be honest, I'm now threatened."

I froze at his answer.

I told Heeseung everything I have been feeling towards Jungwon, I told him that we kissed before and he also knew that I am attracted to him.

Now that we're not related, I can see where he's coming from.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way . . . I am also confused Hee. ."

"Do you still love me Jay?"

"Of course . . I love you . . and I won't stop"

"What about Jungwon? . . what do you really feel about him now? Do you still see him as your baby brother?"

I was speechless.

Do I?

I know and understand my boyfriend's feelings but I don't understand mine.

Is it possible to love two person at the same time?

Isn't that cheating at the same time?

I love Heeseung, I know I do . . but Jungwon, I love him too, the same way I feel towards my boyfriend.

"I don't know how to answer you baby . . .I'm sorry . . "

"I understand. . . I'm just scared you'd leave me someday.  .because you fall out of love"

"Why would I ? . . and I will not leave you remember that please. . ."

I pulled him in for a hug as I let out a sigh. .

Pull yourself together Park Jongseong.

"I love you Heeseung. . I hope you remember that"

I captured his lips with mine pulling him closer as I assured him as much as I can.

He responded and my heart beats with joy knowing that he trusts me.

The kiss lasted for a few minutes before we pull away to breathe.

"Allow me to treat you today. . I'm feeling the need to go out"

He nodded before I went to the bathroom to get ready.

_______________________

Guys . . can anyone help Jay? He's so confused right now. Thank you
😊🤗