✔︎ unrequited flowers | nishimura riki

XVII

The morning of her birthday, Ayano wakes up choking. Sunghoon heard it from his room and immediately helped her through coughing up countless petals, like she does every time. Over the past month it's been happening multiple times a day, the amount of petals increasing, each one still snow white. She hasn't been able to go out, instead having to run to the bathroom every few hours, growing weaker as the girl's stomach starts rejecting anything she puts in it. When Ayano's throat is finally clear again, she sits back, tears leaking from her eyes, gulping breaths with Sunghoon's calming hand still on his shoulder.

"What do you want to do today?" Ayano can see the hope in Sunghoon's eyes. She gets it, he just wants to have one normal day. "Same thing as every other day." Sunghoon's smile faded with Ayano's words."At least let's take you to dinner tonight." "Hoon, I-" "Please Ayano, just let me take you out for your birthday, just this once. I think it could be good for you." Sunghoon pleads with his words and his eyes.

"Okay, fine." Ayano smiles when Sunghoon's face lights up. The male just didn't want Ayano to go and not get to do anything she wanted on her last days. They wondered how Sunoo was doing if Ayano was already in this condition where she couldn't even walk properly. Ayano's phone vibrates on the table. The chat name makes her throat tighten threateningly, but she swallows against it.

\ Hey Ayano! Happy birthday!! I hope you're doing okay. \

Even after Ayano left without a word, even after she's ignored him for more than a month, Ni-Ki still thinks about her, still wishes her a happy birthday. It takes everything in not to respond, wanting nothing more than to speak to Ni-Ki, to go to him and tell him everything, but she doesn't. She tells himself once again that this is the only way to make Sunoo happy. Tears sting his eyes as she reads the message over and over.

"You shouldn't put yourself through this." Sunghoon looks at the screen, seeing Ayano's eyes locked on the text. "I-I need to." Ayano puts down her phone."Why ?" "He's still my best friend." He looks into Sunghoon's eyes."Then why don't you talk to him?" "What would be the point? There's nothing he can do. There's nothing anyone can do." Ayano aches when he says the words.

"You know he cares about you. He'd want to be here for you." "He's happy, Sunghoon. Just let it go." Ayano looks away. "Okay, I'm sorry." Sunghoon squeezed her shoulder once, and then he went out of the room. Ayano curls herself in the blanket with her phone, a growing emptiness in her chest.

Ayano spends the day sitting on the couch, the tv on in front of her but her mind miles away. She replays her past birthday memories, when Ni-Ki would spend the whole day with her. He'd always make it feel special, putting so much thought into every outing, every gift, even if he didn't have the money to get the girl something extravagant.

It had once been one of the most important aspects of her life, now only a distant memory. Another buzz in her pocket pulls her down from the clouds. The girl looks at her phone.

\ I'm always here if you need anything. \
\ I miss you. \

The words dig themselves into her heart, sharp reminders of what she's been avoiding. She sees another text come in.

/ What did I do wrong? /

Ayano feels tears run down her face. She doesn't want Ni-Ki to blame himself. He did nothing wrong, but Ayano can't explain that to him. It's better to let him forget and move on.

She eventually showers, letting the hot water run over her, and gets dressed in something other than sweats for the first time in what feels like forever. Maybe Sunghoon's right, maybe tonight will be good for her. They both walk out together. Ayano breathes in the air, colder than she'd realized.

Sunghoon takes her to one of Ayano's favorite restaurants, and she smiles at him gratefully. After they receive their food, Ayano appreciates the atmosphere and conversation, she's able to laugh and talk freely with Sunghoon, and it almost feels like nothing's wrong. She was grateful that Sunghoon was her guardian angel. She loved him but only loved what he did for her. Can't go on loving another person now can we ?

Until Ayano takes more than a couple bites of her food, a wave of nausea comes over her, and she has to push her plate away, gaining the attention of Sunghoon. She tries to smile, but it feels more like a grimace. The girl's at least thankful that her stomach and lungs cooperate enough for her to sit through the rest of the meal.

By the time they leave the restaurant, she has to ignore the way her legs shake as they walk home. Ayano hangs her head low, tiredness overcoming her. Goosebumps ripple up her arms when she feels eyes on her, pin pricks on her skin, and the voices around them fall silent.

She looks up to see Sunghoon stopped and staring, her blood runs cold when her eyes meet Ni-Ki's, standing frozen in place. Ni-Ki looks the same, his strong features that are etched into Ayano's memory, now twisted with sadness. The boy was holding a wrapped box, and his eyes were haunted as they looked into the girl's.

It's too much. Ayano's chest constricts and she nearly collapses, bent over as coughs rip out of her throat, more continuous and harsh then they've ever been. She can't catch his breath through the petals, her vision blurry.

The girl's barely aware when Sunghoon puts himself between her and Ni-Ki, soothing her while his gentle hands lead him away. Ayano wants to tell Sunghoon to stop, and that she wants to see Ni-Ki. She wants to make sure he never looks at her that way again, but she can't speak, every breath bringing on another cough.

Only blur and faded voices and yells were heard. When they're at the house, Ayano falls to her knees, reaching in her throat to try to remove the petals, gagging on her hand, choking on the white flowers. She gasps for air when they're all out, spread over the floor, more than any of the other times. Sunghoon's by her side, and she leans against him, tears escaping her eyes.

Ayano was not sure how long they'd been sitting there on the floor, Sunghoon holding her, the girl's chest rising and falling deeply. She sits up too quickly making her head spinning.

"Where's Ni-Ki?"

"He went home." Sunghoon's voice was tense. Ayano notices the present in Sunghoon's hands, the same one she'd seen Ni-Ki holding. "Here." Sunghoon hands it to her, and she takes it, her own hands shaking.

Ayano focuses on the gift in her lap. Sunghoon cautiously helps her move to the couch before he leaves again to give her privacy. The girl holds her breath while she peels away the wrapping paper to reveal a plain box underneath. When she takes off the lid, a sob bursts from her chest.

Folded in the box is a red hoodie, Ni-Ki red hoodie that she's always loved, the same one they got on a vacation with his family. Ayano doesn't know how many times she tried to steal it from the boy, it fits perfectly on him, although most of the appeal comes from the fact that it smells like Ni-Ki, the thrill of wearing something that's his. She never expected he'd actually give it to her.