new friend || kaeya angst

four - mother dearest

kaeya was caught completely off guard by the words that came out of the shadow in wispy echoes. his mother? what kind of nonsense was this?
was this some sort of sick joke?
at the thought of someone having the audacity to pull a trick on the captain using his mother as a trigger, his attitude quickly changed from confused and cautious to infuriated.
kaeya let his hands curl into fists. the pressure of his nails in his palms would no doubt cause bleeding, but that wasn't his concern.
"really, now?" kaeya spoke with an edge to his tone, almost as if the power of his vision was seeping into his voice as he stepped back, the shadow's hand leaving his face.
no. i want that warmth back.
his body cried out to feel the warmth of another being's care, to really believe that someone out there loved and cherished him for who he was. that this shadow he couldn't help but be drawn to was somehow really his mother. but kaeya held himself with dignity. he wouldn't have made it this far as a knight if he succumbed to his desires so easily. so he stood tall and no matter how his instincts screamed to run back into the arms of the shadow to hide from the pain of the world he'd never cave. not as long as he saw himself as kaeya alberich- cavalry captain of the knights of favonius.
"what kind of joke is this?"
to further accentuate his belief that this was nothing more than a dumb prank, he leisurely looked around, periwinkle eyes scanning for any hidden figures in the bushes or the trees.
there were none.
when the captain turned back to the shadow with a neutral expression, he saw it had its hands folded together in front of its chest, as if asking for something from him.
"i-i know you d-don't believe me, and that's f-fine. but p-please, kae..."
as the shadow whispered, it slowly fell to its knees, and kaeya couldn't help but feel extreme guilt for some reason. he should be pleased that someone had kneeled before him as a prince should be knealy to- but kaeya did not see himself as said prince, so he felt awful about his supposed mother having to beg him to do anything.
"please...choose whatever saves you"
what?
now kaeya was really paying attention. his expression remained neutral, hiding the swirl of emotions in his mind as he scrambled to comprehend what the shadow meant and what it could know about the life he lived now.
his 'mother' continued, knees still pressed into the soft grass of kaeya's haven. it was horrible, really- shadows kneeling to shadows in a place that was to be holy- where only a sinner could go to scream out his lies until all that was left was a husk that acted as a captain with no cavalry.
kaeya felt like crying all over again.
he didn't.
"i know they do not t-treat you well here, my s-son...i've been watching for so long, ever since you were brought here by that bastard. they overwork you to the point of breaking. t-that is no life f-for a pure-blooded prince- t-that is no life f-for my son".
damn it all, kaeya wanted to break down and run for his 'mother', because deep down he knew who this shadow was. there was no way this was a joke played on him by a knight or even by barbatos himself- only he and the fallen of khaenri'ah knew of his mother's existence. only he knew that she always cried, which is why he had drawn her like that. he never knew the exact details of her face- it was always scrunched up with pain, fear and tears streaming down any identifiable features. so when he was given his crayons and paper, his mother would always be a black scribble with tears. always.
kaeya understood his mother's words now, too. she'd always been there- for all the sparring sessions with diluc, the rainy night where everything crumbled down, the ceremony where he was to replace his brother despite how hard diluc had worked to become the cavalry captain. the endless nights of paperwork and caffeine, with only the presence of jean and the moon to keep him sane.
maybe his mother was the moon, and not a shadow before him? or maybe the shadow here was a shadow of the moon? why was the moon always there, its pearly colors always glowing everywhere he went.
at this point, kaeya was at his breaking point- tears were threatening to form, and he had to physically restrain himself from running to hold his mother and feel her love for the first time in a decade.
she let out another plea- asking for forgiveness.
"i-i'm so sorry he brought you here. i-i want to m-make things right".
and that was it.
damn it all, he thought.
kaeya tossed his blade to the side, paying no heed to the soft clink it made as it hit some pebbles imbedded in the grass as he wrapped his arms around his mother, the tears spilling now. his mother cried with him, shadowy arms slowly snaking around his until they rested on his back, holding him as they tried to shield him from the world.
like a mother shields her child.
his usual facade was gone- there was no way he could ever go back to the lies and pain when he finally had the love he had been longing for since he had stepped foot out of khaenri'ah.
"m-mother..." kaeya sobbed, choking on his tears as he spoke, fully aware that this was not a dream. she was really here. his mother was here, and she always had been.
"...take me home, please..."

—-
above is a sort-of reference for how kaeya's mother looks- she's supposed to resemble a child's drawing and not look very threatening
also i finally changed the font in my reader settings so the shadow's voice will be like 'this' instead of 'th1s'.

kaeya is supposed to be OOC at least for now- when i write his interactions with other characters, i'll bring in his usual attitude i promise he won't be this dark and brooding person who cries every 5 seconds for the whole fic even i get bored of that