If I die, I want you to read this.

What I want you to know before I die.

If I had to die, and had time before dying, I would leave my family and friends messages and sit in my old backyard of my childhood house on the old, falling apart, back porch.
Name everything that went wrong in my life and record it.
But after naming everything wrong, I'd say how I felt. Like the day when I was gonna end it, I did this.
I sat there and cried, and said everything for 2 hours straight. But then I said, "Look how far we made it. Look how far we made it Mae. We're here. And we can't leave yet until we finished our job. Our job of being a sister, a daughter, a best friend. You're gonna be okay."

I don't believe in God much, but I prayed and asked if I could feel okay again, just how I used to.
Maybe it was God, maybe it was me, but eventually I started feeling okay again. Like every weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Even if it's weird, it was the most reassured I've ever felt.
...
But now? I regret ever doing that, because two years later I felt worse and more depressed than I ever did. Family died, friends left, and my faith has fled.

Yet still I sit here crying on my bathroom floor at 9 in the morning after receiving news about my dad, and somehow I still have small hope.
Not everyone will like what you say, do, support, or act.

"But you are still you, and you ARE good enough.
You don't have to live to everyone's standards like I had to. Like how I wanted to. You don't have to live the life I went through, because you still have a chance.
You're amazing for that, and don't let your hope get ripped away from you, because even in the empty cold world, there's still a chance.
You just need to have hope, believe you can make it, set yourself to make it, and you WILL make it. It will take scars, mentally or physically, and you'll make it one way or another as long as you believe."

I want that entire paragraph above, to live on and reach out to people.
I'm one person in a billion of others, being honest, my death wouldn't impact this world because I don't matter when there's others. But it does at the same time. I have hope there will be something great in the future, and let it be that it happened sooner or later, but it should happen.

And if it doesn't, then there'll be something greater for you.

There's always a chance.