love again

chapter 1- Zoe

when i was little, i used to think that being a teenager was fun. but now ive realized its not. its filled with pain, and disapointment, and fear. the fear of not being good enough. my name is zoe. and im going to kill myself in 5 days. dont wonder why. life is shit. my dad left me and my mom when i was 2 and then my mom married her abusive drug addict husband when i was 7. he hits me and my mom pretty hard but she doesnt leave him because he "needs help". like if shes gonna help him she should do it already because shes been saying that for 8 years. its infuriating. which is why im gonna die in a few days. i put on my headphones and walked out the door to go to school. even though im dying in a few days whats the point of not trying? still act as if everything is fine. still make the same cheesy jokes to my friends. still laugh and smile away the pain so no one suspects. still eat lunch in the cafeteria. still silently throw it up in the girls bathroom. still cut myself. still come home to carl raping me. still cry myself to sleep. nothing changes, just at 8:30 pm on november 30th, im dying. its simple. not that big of a deal anyway. no one cares and ive already been told to go die or to kill myeslf so its not that bad. you get used to the pain eventually. you even plan 2 months before you actually die. the closer the death date gets, the happier you are. got everything planned. got the notes to everyone, got my last "meal" planned, got the balcony ready and everything. no turning back now.