CALL HER | Bucky Barnes

20

GRACE

I didn't see Bucky for the next couple of days. But I also didn't try calling him. I didn't have a crisis or a confession to warrant it, even though I almost wished someone would try to murder me so I'd have a reason to talk to him. It was hard to think about the alternative reason. It was hard to imagine how easy it would be to knock on his door again and say 'I'm in love with you' and just let him—

Apparently, two glasses of wine one night was enough to encourage me to make a phone call, though.

"Grace. You okay?" he answered, concerned, and my heart twisted up thinking about the way I'd left the last time I saw him.

"Yeah," I said. "I'm okay. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Why'd you call?"

"Um." I considered. "I don't know. I'm sorry."

I did know. I knew exactly why I called. But I was scared to say.

"I miss you too," he said quietly, guessing.

"Yeah, I guess that's why I called, kind of," I said, which was true. "I do miss you."

"Can we talk in person?"

"I thought you didn't want that."

"If you miss me, then I want to be with you. This is stupid."

"Why is it stupid?"

"The only reason I'm not with you right now is because you're anxious and overthinking."

"It's stupid that I'm anxious?" I repeated.

"Don't twist my words. That's not what I said."

I swallowed my heart back down, still trying to find the words.

"I'm sorry," I said. "That's not the only reason."

"You don't have to say 'I love you' back, Grace," he said tiredly. "Honestly, I think you're right. I don't think I've ever been in love with you. You're just cute and I got confused."

"I know you're not in love with me," I said, laughing, almost. "That's what I told you."

"Does this happen to you a lot? People think they're in love with you because of your, like, general existence? Is this what you did to Bucky?"

He didn't mean it harshly, but it felt like a stab for some reason, the implication that Bucky didn't mean it either. "No," I said, a little defensive. "He means it."

"Do you have a litmus test for this, or what?" Joaquín asked, humor in his tone. "How do you gauge the sincerity?"

"Bucky doesn't say stuff he doesn't mean."

"You're not wrong," he agreed. "Pretty intense dude."

"Yeah," I breathed. He was.

"Is that why you called? I thought you were using the Bucky thing as an excuse to break up with me and avoid saying 'I love you' back. But now I feel like this is actually about Bucky."

"Why are you being so casual right now?"

"I'm actually having a hard time. I'm just being really nice about it so you'll feel more guilty. So you'll lay awake at night thinking 'God, he's so nice, I can't believe I did that to him.'"

"Why would you give away your ulterior motives like that?"

"Shit. I don't know. I think I might actually just be nice."

"Can you yell at me or something? I think I've been in love with him since May."

That was why I'd called, really. To sever it completely. There was still a line open after we left Pepper's, when I'd told him I'd had a moment with Bucky. He'd said he'd wait for me to figure it out. I was pretty sure that he was pretty sure that I was just drunk and confused, which wasn't at all what happened.