He Calls Me Kitty (Adommy)

Clarify Your Intentions

*TOMMY P.O.V.*

I sat in the passenger seat of Adams car as I squished myself even closer to the window that my eyes were beaming into. I have no idea why I agreed to do this but honestly I didn't think I could say no. He was my boss, and he said he wanted to talk business, even though we both know what this conversation will be about.

I had to sneak out of my room this morning when Adam called me and asked to meet. If Isaac was awake he wouldn't have let me leave. I knew I wasn't pissed at Adam but all the rage that I should've felt towards him, reflected onto Isaac. I've never seen him so pissed, and this is the first time that he's been mad at Adam. Yet another thing that's my fault.

I can still feel the coldness of the ice radiating all over my body. I inwardly shuddered as the car came to a stop and I heard the keys jingle. I wasn't mad at Adam, and surprisingly I wasn't even mad at Sauli, sure he basically gave me hypothermia, but to me he was still a close friend.

I respected him, and that's why I feel like I'm at least partially responsible for how it played out.

''Tommy.'' Adam started, before the silence could get anymore awkward. I didn't turn to look at him but I did relax a bit more in my seat. Usually Adam never makes me uncomfortable, but I don't want to have to turn and look at the guilt on his face. I don't like the feeling that I get when I think about how him kissing me has turned his life into a living hell.

''I'm sorr-''

''No, don't.'' I said cutting him off.

''Tommy-''

''I said don't Adam! I'm not going to forgive you, I'd rather just forget and keep this professional.''

''No-''

''We can either have it that way, or I'm quitting Adam. Your complicating things. You almost lost your boyfriend over a stupid meaningless kiss that should have never happened anyway. You love Sauli right?'' I asked, still refusing to look directly at him.

He didn't answer me after a while and I gave into my resistance to turn and look at him. I was caught in a moment of shock and confusion as I watched tears stream down Adams face as he was looking ahead with a heartbreaking stoic expression on his face.

''Adam?'' I asked when the silence became to much for me to take.

''Love...is not how I feel about him Tommy.'' He said lowly. Now he was the one avoiding my gaze and I was okay with that, because I think my strength would all but break if I had to see the pain in his hazel blue eyes. I've never seen him so vulnerable.

''I care for him so deeply. I would do anything for Sauli, I would even die for him, he's my everything. But...I just can't love him. And it's me, not him. I'm incapable of loving someone that's good for me...someone so perfect.'' He said.

I felt something sting in my chest when I was listening to him describe his affection for Sauli, his flawlessness. But I didn't understand what Adam meant.

''But I've heard you tell him-''

''I lie.'' Adam said quickly, cutting me off before I could finish my accusation. ''I lie to him every time. And it kills me, but I rather hurt him with a lie than a truth that would end his world. I know what your thinking Tommy, I'm a shitty boyfriend. But trust me, I do care for him with such deep affection that I know some day I will love him like he deserves, I just can't be what he needs right now. I'm not good enough for him.''