Fear

Fear isn't delicate shaking and a single, graceful tear running down your cheek. Fear is waking up screaming, clawing, fighting something that isn't really there. It's being just as scared of the nightmares as you are of him because he's real and for you there is no peace. It's moments of panic at random times in random places that feel like a kick to the chest. It's looking in a sea of faces and the bottom dropping out from under you because you find someone with the same nose or hair. It's hearing menace in every sound and seeing ice in every pair of eyes. It's nightmares and memories. Not trusting the silence. It's difficulty trusting anyone and absolute devastation when you realize you trusted the wrong person. It's cloaking your identity, hiding your address and paralyzing fear when someone knows your name because you forget you're wearing a name tag. It's demons hidden behind forced smiles because you've gotten so good at hiding it. Wondering if you could have done anything to prevent it and unfounded guilt. It's imagining the worst case scenarios, coming to the conclusion that he might be the death of you, and the determination that you won't go out without screaming, clawing and fighting. Fear is real, it is debilitating, it's isolating, and it's violent.