Through Her Eyes (Camren)

Chapter 27: Remember This

“I remember this,” Camila said. “And this, and this.”

She pointed to things as she moved through the house, fingers traveling along the surfaces of paintings she’d named and lamps she’d befriended. Lauren closed the door firmly behind them, locking it, safe in their own world again.

“I remember this,” said Camila, picking up a book of fairytales left on the floor. “And this—” Lauren’s teddy bear “—and this—” Elvis “—and you. I remember you.”

Camila stood in the family room, collected things she remembered in her arms. She looked to Lauren with hopeful eyes, hair swept behind her ear. The curve of her neck was soft and delicate, warm light reflecting over the side of her face.

Slowly, Lauren moved to stand in front of her and pulled the things from Camila’s hands, setting each one down, Elvis scampering off. Camila held on stubbornly to the last thing, Lauren’s teddy bear, her fingers clenched desperately around its plush leg.

Lauren grazed her thumb over the knob of Camila’s wrist, hoping it was soothing, and after a moment Camila reluctantly let the bear go. When Camila had nothing left in her arms, Lauren pulled her into a tight hug.

Camila gasped, surprised, but clung back fiercely.

“I don’t remember you,” Lauren said, her words muffled against Camila’s shoulder. “I don’t have to remember you. You’re right here.”

It felt good to hold her, like Lauren had expected it to. It felt like she thought it would. Her arms locked tightly around Camila’s waist and Lauren never wanted to let go.

Camila struggled out of the hug.

“Did he tell you what you wanted?” Camila asked, biting her lip. “Do you have the answers now?”

“No,” Lauren said, shaking her head. She felt short of breath after all of it. She wanted to pull Camila into another hug but it was already over and it hadn’t lasted long enough. “He can’t. Ben can’t.”

Camila drooped visibly. “Oh.”

Lauren’s heart clenched. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket to stop herself from reaching out and grabbing Camila. “It’s not like that. Ben doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know us. What I wanted, I can only get it from you.”

Camila looked lost, head tilted down as she peeked up at Lauren. “What if I don’t know?”

It was strange for Camila to admit to not knowing something. There was so much she seemed not to have the answers to, so much information missing, and yet she was always so sure of everything, of herself. She never wanted Lauren to think she wasn’t, to admit she wasn’t as sure of everything as she acted.

It was one of the countless trusts that Camila had put in her, and Lauren promised herself she wouldn’t break this one too. “You don’t have to know. I don’t want to know more than you do, anyway. What use would that be?”

Camila looked confused, and Lauren couldn’t blame her. It was confusing to Lauren and she’d been the one insisting it all mattered.

“I think,” Lauren said slowly, looking down because she couldn’t look at Camila, both of them staring at the space between their feet. “I think I was looking for an instruction manual or something, you know? Caring For Your Camila For Dummies. That was stupid. I’m stupid.”

Lauren looked up when Camila made an offended noise, either at Lauren’s words or that Lauren had insulted herself. Knowing Camila, she was probably offended on Lauren’s behalf rather than her own.