tolerate it

ii

THERE IS LITTLE Ryan could have done when he woke up the next morning for work and finds that Daisy hadn't returned.

He gulps as fear clenches his heart and panic starts to rise. What if she — before the thought could take root and throw his world off axis, the front door opens and she steps in with messy hair and yesterday's clothes.

"Where have you been?" The question slips out of his mouth before he could stop himself and he freezes. He's never asked her this question, and he's afraid oh so terribly afraid that he's crossed an unspoken line, that this is it, that he has finally messed up so bad to the point Daisy would give up and walk out the door forever. The thought paralysed him. He couldn't even comprehend a world where Daisy wasn't right by his side.

Her eyes are unreadable, her expression is hard as she looks at her husband and he wishes that he could take a peak in her brilliant mind.

"You've never asked me that before." She states with a raised eyebrow. He swallows and hopes that his anxiety isn't on full display before saying, "I was worried. You didn't come home last night."

She cocks her head to the side as she considers her reply before chuckling lightly as she walks closer to him. Close enough that he could smell cologne that was not his.

A sharp intake of breath that felt like it had punctured his heart. He hopes that his face didn't betray his emotions, he hopes that he could stand tall long enough to look in Daisy's eyes and pretend that he was her fool of an oblivious husband.

A small smirk plays on her full lips as she presses her chest against his and even though the scent of the other man was obvious on her skin and clothes, he grips her hips hard enough to bruise and flushes their body tight against each other.

Her eyes slightly widen before she composed herself. She must know that he could smell the strong musk of a cologne on her skin and he wanted to smirk in delight at her shock. Did she think he was going to beg for her apology? Her reasons? He wasn't. He can't. He knows deep in his heart that he is not capable of that. Not when he would forgive all her discretion even without her asking for his forgiveness.

~

"You've been staring at the screen as if it's about to tell you your future." Emily's voice brought Ryan back to earth. He forces half a smile on his face and shrugs his shoulders. "It's been a rough morning." He tells her. Her eyes fill with concern as she sits across from him and asks, "What's wrong?"

He stares at her for a moment, wondering why does she even care? They've known each other only for eight months.

He sighs at last and says, "I feel like everything's slipping out from my fingers no matter how tightly I cling onto it." Her expression soften and she looks at him intently as she says, "What if all you have to do is let go? What if your holding onto it is suffocating enough that it's all breaking free?"

Her questions string him sharply. He doesn't understand as to why they have such an effect, considering the fact that he has asked these questions to himself multiple times before.

His expression must have showed his feelings because her eyes widen and she instantly says, "Please know I did not mean to hurt you or make you feel worse. I just want you to know that things have a way of working out at the end and you might think that this pain won't end right now but it will. You just need to have a little faith."

His lips curl in a bitter smile as he says, "I have no faith. The world only listens to those who have the power to make change happen and currently whatever I do is not enough and I don't think it ever will be but I'm a stubborn man and I also know that I won't give up not until I've lost everything."

Emily blinks in surprise at his answer. She must think of him as a strange man but he doesn't care. Ryan knows himself, he knows his heart and he knows that he can't give up not until he really is at the end of the line.

He clears his throat and avoids her gaze as he says, "I have to get back to work." She immediately gets up and says, "Of course. I'll leave you to it." With a lingering gaze of concern and worry, she leaves his office making him sigh in relief and exhaustion. He should have never said so much to her. He has no idea about what she thinks of him now and quite frankly he wasn't sure if he even wanted to know at this point.

He presses the heel of his palms to his eyes and presses tightly. He could feel the onslaught of a headache and he could still smell the cologne of that man. He knew it was impossible and it was all in his head but he couldn't shake it off no matter how much he tried. He never thought Daisy would have a sadistic streak to herself. He couldn't put the image of her smirking at his pain out of his head.

Why would she want him to know about her infidelity? Does she want to force him out? Is she doing this just for fun? What did she want? If she was so unhappy why wasn't she the one leaving? What was she waiting for? She must know that he would never force her to stay and he would gladly open the door for her if she meant she would be happy elsewhere. She knew about the power she had over him; then what was stopping her from taking that final step out of the door?

He realises that he doesn't want to know. He just prays that the reason never strays and he knows that there will always be hope if she continues to find a way to stay.