Stress
For me it's such a big word. Because to put it simple I'm an army brat or an military child. I grew up hearing guns and cannons because my dad and the other soldiers were training. My friends are also army brats and we are just amazed at airplanes and that they fly over the houses outside of the base (the base is we're soldiers train and the families of the soldiers like their wife or husband and children life. Of course they have the choice not to life on base but me and my friends do)cause that's not what we see when we look at the sky we don't see airplanes as a matter of a fact I never saw an airplanes fly in the sky till I was 8. I'm used to seeing helicopters.
So that is probably where I got my fear of noises from. But my parents always told me that I grew up with a sheltered life and that my life is a privilege and that not all people life the way I do. That common sense I mean I know that I have it better than some kids but my parents make sure that I know it. Like let's say I want an Oreo ok. So I eat one or two Oreos. The next thing I know my parents are calling my a fat ass and that their is a little girl out there being r*ped while I eat an Oreo....... I JUST WANTED AN OREO! The hell how does me wanting an Oreo become to a little girl being r*ped
It makes no sense. And another they tell me is that because I life a privileged life I have no reason to ever feel stressed, nervous, or sad. Because all I have is to get good grades and if I don't do that one task that I was given I'm an disappointment.
Ok the no ever feeling stressed thing does not sound that bad but it gets bad. Six year old me was reminded every day that I don't feel sadness, nervousness, or stress. So I go to school with the biggest smile on my face, I'm getting good grades, and I'm not feeling any of those feelings. Then I get bullied because I'm too happy at six years old, I started to feel a weird feeling not knowing what the feeling is. Then like a click in my brain I know what I'm feeling. I'm feeling sad. Now Six year old me is thinking I'm a monster cause I'm feeling something that I was told I was not supposed to feel. So now I'm a monster but after four years of getting bullied I'm 10 in fifth grade. I still think those things and I'm not supposed to feel those things, so I don't I am happy, I am getting good grades, and I decided that I don't need friends.
Ha if only I sticked to that plan. I became friends with non other than Lydia who I told is a bitch. But at the time I thought she was my best friend. Ha nope I was being toyed with. Cause that's all I was too her a toy. And because for this in fifth grade I was stressed af because home was hell and school was already hell but she made it a hell cage. So in class I would have panic attacks but I would have them in quite cause I did not want make a scene cause at the time I did not know I was stressed I thought something was wrong with me.
So now I am in sixth grade still not knowing if I am ever stressed cause my fucking parents made sure that I would tell my self that I would never know if I am ever feeling those feelings.
Ha ha ☺️ goodbye 👋
