What Could Have Been

Love

This food was amazing, this place is glorious. He looks so stunning, sexy and very charming. His eyes are piercing and the way he talks, the way he looks at me makes me feel so worthy of attention and love. I noticed he was looking at my cleavage, did I do that on purpose? Perhaps but I'm so shocked that I even did that, it was so easy to flirt with him because that's never happened to me before. I never stepped out of my comfort zone before until now. We finished the food and the waiter came back, took the plates and he gave her 500$ check and I'm in awe. The waiter was surprised and thanked him so much. I guess he must of paid the original price plus some when he made this reservation.
Our talks tonight getting to know how each other think was pretty eye opening, because we have the same beliefs but different POV on everything which makes me want to know what he thinks even more.
"You tipped her good, you didn't have to do that" I say with curious eyes
"I wanted too, everyone deserves some money if they're doing a good service and sometimes people need help and this money isn't what I need anyways." He says looking at me. I admire him for that, he likes to help people and be nice to them. That makes me respect him even more.
"Where to now?" I say In an exciting tone
"We're going to walk now, it's a beautiful scenery as well." He says with a wink
"Okay let's get to it". As we went out of the restaurant, we started to walk and he started to play perfect by Ed Sheeran and this song is absolutely wonderful. We walked in silence listening to this song, at peace with each other. It isn't weird being silent with him. He started singing the song and his voice is enlightening. I started to sing too, our voice together is so perfect.
"How are you feeling? " I say
"I'm okay, just something happened earlier today." He says
"Do you want to talk about it with me? You can trust me." I say with a smile
"Are you sure? I mean I need someone to talk about this other than my mother"
"I got you handsome" I say
We found this little bridge with a bench and a pond under the bridge and we sat down.
"I killed my father because he was an idiot, ever since my mom was with him and every since I was a kid, he always abused us mentally and physically especially my mother and I just got so tired and we were fighting and I just killed him." He says
"Im so sorry, it was self defense though my love. A dude like that shouldn't be alive at all, I would of did the same thing."
" the worst thing is I don't care about it, I'm actually happy about it. It was a rush, a powerful rush that I loved. The adrenaline killing a sick fuck like him. The reason why I'm bothered is because I'm so okay with it" he says as his voice is breaking.
"That's normal, I mean if there's someone hurting you for a long time, causing you trauma, causing the person you love trauma it's okay to feel at peace and happy about it. " I say
"I just don't want to become a killer" he says
"You won't." I say as I held him. I love that he opened up about this with me because I won't ever tell a soul and I understand it.
"Can I tell you something?" I say
"Of course."
"I'm in kind of the same boat as you are in. My dad has always been a drunk and he was always verbal abusive and honestly I hated him for a long time for it because parents are suppose to care for you and love you. Recently he just told me how sorry he was and how the alcohol fucked him up and how he wants to rebuild our relationship and that he's going to rehab to become a better person and honestly, I forgave him because if he can change I would be so happy but if not then that's going to do a number on me. But I'm willing to give it a try. On the other hand, my mother is different. She's a drug addict who could care less about me. She hits me a lot, she tells me shitty things like I'm not worthy, that I'm ugly etc basically shit abusive drug addicts parents say. She's never going to change and she never tried to and sometimes I just want to end her because she caused me so much trauma that she doesn't even deserve to be here." I say sobbing. He starts to hold me and he kisses me on my head
"Nothing you said or did is your fault. You just got shit parents, I hope your dad does change but if he doesn't I want you to know that you are worthy, you are enough, you are one amazing person who deserves the world. You're gorgeous extremely gorgeous and I know one day you're going to get everything you want. Someone like you will always come out on top and I promise you that baby girl. I really do" he starts hugging me even more tightly and I cried into him saying
"Thank you so much"
"No problem beautiful girl".
...

We began walking to this park, it has only 2 swings. We get on the swings and we tell jokes, laughing having a good old time. This guy is someone I want, he's a perfect man to me. This safeness I feel with him makes me all warm and bubbly inside.
"What's your favorite line that you go by to get you through the day? Here I will go first, mine is, the way you are is the way you were meant to be, nothing less, everything more." He says smiling
"I like that, I see you. Mine is, when they tell you to break your knife you sharpen that motherfucker back sharp. Meaning when they kick you down and tell you that you can't get back up, pick yourself back up and come harder." I say
"Wow, that's nice too" he says
"I have to get home to my mother." He says
"Okay let's go, drop me off home" I gave him my actual address because I'm not scared anymore of him seeing who I am. The car ride to my place, we just couldn't stop laughing or smiling.
....
We're here at my place and I look at him and said "you are amazing"
"You are the amazing one here " he says. I hugged him tightly and I wanted to kiss him but I wanted that hug to linger.
"Have a great night Mr. Joe" I say getting out of the car
"Have a wonderful night Ms. Love" he says smiling back as well.
I walked towards the house and he waited to leave until I got inside, how thoughtful of him. When I got in the house, there was my mother standing there, Oh boy here we go again.
"Where have you been Love?" Says mom while she's taking some pills.
"I've been out with a friend." I say
"Oh that boy in the car? Isn't he too rich for you? Do you even think he will even message your ugly ass after tonight? He probably seen how broke and poor you were. " she says laughing. Her words stings, and it makes me wonder, did he enjoy this night? Is he going to message me back? Sometimes my mom can into my head.
"He's not like that" I say with a smile taking off my shoes
"He definitely is. I mean he would be a fool if he fell for you because you're worthless" says mom
"Whatever" I say trying to hold in my anger
"Yeah whatever, next time you go somewhere with that boy, go get some expensive drugs for me" she laughs as she walks out of the door and slams it. I went up to my room and still haven't heard from him, I'm getting kind of worried because what if when he seen where I live, and didn't want anything to do with me anymore? But why wouldn't he? He told me a secret he probably wouldn't have told anyone. As I'm overthinking, I get a message and it's from him.
"What a remarkable night with a remarkable lady." He says with a wink
"What a delicious mysterious night with the dashing young man" I say with a heart
"Aww you're cute, so how's it going so far? I'm sorry I didn't message you, I was driving but then I stopped for some food to take home." He replied
"It's okay love, I will always wait for your text/phone call anything" I say with a smiley face
"About what I told you about me, I just hope you don't look at me weird or like I'm some kind of a monster"
"I don't look at you as a monster Joe, I look at you as someone who is so strong and who needed to get out of a tragic situation" I say with a heart emoji
"Thank you so much, I've never opened up or even felt this comfortable to open up to someone I just met. It feels so easy with you." He replies
"I feel the same goddamn way" I say
We keep messaging, talking about how cold it is outside, talking about our insecurities. His insecurity is his eyes, he thinks it's so creepy and weird looking. I think it's like something you haven't seen before, but when you look into his eyes, all you can see is art.