Chapter 5

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One thing I was proud of was that I wasn't afraid to show my scars

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One thing I was proud of was that I wasn't afraid to show my scars. I wasn't afraid to show the world that I wasn't scared anymore. That I learnt to love myself and I'm finally happy. My body may not be perfect, but it was mine. And I loved it. I may not be the perfect woman but I've learnt to love that about myself.

On the second day of our holiday retreat, Laura decided to take us to the beach before we have a games night to end it all. I chose to wear a white, string pleated bikini set with blue butterflies. Adding a flannel over the top, I leave my room. It just happened to be at the exact same time that Jacob, who's room was exactly next to mine, decided to leave his room. He wore nothing except an unbuttoned shirt and shorts. The basic beach attire.

I couldn't help to stare at his chiselled chest, that was a lot more defined then the last time I had seen it. When I finally look up at him, his eyes were already on me. They were bloodshot, indicating that he was drinking. Knowing that he was drinking yesterday, he's probably hungover and he's going to be sitting on the beach all day. He had sunglasses perched on his head and his hair was still the same shade of brown. They were shorter on the sides and a lot more wavy at the front. It surprised me how much I had memorised about his body and his face. One thing I noticed was the set of rings on his fingers.

Something had changed about him, not just his looks, but his personality, it seems like he doesn't have a care in the world and he doesn't give a shit about anything anymore. Mustering up enough courage to say something to him, I end up saying,

"Hi."

He just looks at me blankly, not showing any emotion.

"How are you?" The question had been on the tip of my tongue since I saw him yesterday. He took a step closer to me, causing me to subconsciously take a step back.

"You don't have the right to ask me that anymore." He coldly states, maintaining eye contact.

"I just-" he shakes his head at me, still maintaining eye contact.

"No. You don't care, Aria. Stop trying to hide the fact that you don't give two shits." He scoffs in my face before turning and rushing down the stairs. I didn't move until I heard the bang of the door, indicating that he left.

I need to tell him the truth. I can't live with him hating me for any longer. But what is the truth? When Jacob asked me if I loved him, I didn't say anything. Because I wasn't sure if I did and I wasn't going to lie to him. When he asked me if any of it meant anything to me, I said no. Because I didn't know how to get the message across that I couldn't be with him without giving into him. If he thought that I didn't want him, never did, he would leave me alone. He kept coming back, and I kept on letting him. It was my fault, and I hurt him because of it.

"Are you coming?" Laura yells from the bottom of the stairs and I nodded before going down the stairs.

"When's Rose getting here?" I asked to get my mind off of Jacob.

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