Her Bestfriend's Daughter

Pills and potions - Part 12

It was reaching 5am.
The voices that were previously floating around the house had now died down.
It was just you and a very apprehensive Helena.
"Helena. Why are you getting so worked up? I'm a teenager, having relationships is just a part of growing up." You we're falling asleep as you spoke, the events of the day were finally catching up to you. The last thing you wanted to do was get into an argument about some boy you couldn't stand.
"You know about my past, why did you keep yours secret?" Helena was still staring at the wall. Blank-minded.
"It wasn't a secret, I have nothing to hide. I just don't like talking about him." Panic was arising, you hated this boy, you hated his guts, you hated every part of him. And you definitely didn't need to relive what he put you through.
"Fine. I see how it is. Just go to sleep." She pulled the blankets over her and turned to face the other direction.
"Hellie, please. Your not going to let some teenage boy upset you, are you?"
"Sleep."
Great.
She was mad.
You didn't know whether she was mad at you, or just mad about the fact you hadn't told her.
You were going to tell her eventually. Of course you were. She deserved to know. You just didn't want her to find out like this.
You closed your eyes and moved closer to Helena before placing a hand on her shoulder. But when she moved it away, all sense of comfort disappeared.
The slightest touch from her grounded you. She made everything better. She always did. She was your Hellie.
But now that she didn't want to touch you or want you to touch her, panic built up.
You couldn't stand her being mad at you.
It left you feeling deeply isolated.
Nobody to comfort you.
Nobody to talk to.
And all because of something you weren't ready to talk about.
Hell, you weren't even ready to think about it.
You could feel the shaking and sweating coming on. The dreadful feeling when you feel as if your heart could burst at any moment.
As if someone had their hands around your throat, making it hard for you to breathe. Except, there was nobody there.
This was possibly the worst time for this to happen. It was almost morning, everyone was asleep. Your living room consisted of actors and actresses spread sporadically across the floor and furniture. Nobody was going to be awake for hours. And they will probably still be drunk when they do. You slipped out from under the duvet and left the room, ignoring Helena's eyes following your every move.
You aimlessly wandered around, the feeling in your hands and feet disappearing from the loss of circulation. It was only when you stumbled over to the fridge that you realised what could make this pain disappear.
The endless ciders, wines  and spirits were staring back at you. The cigarettes and sleeping pills hidden in your bedside table were calling your name. 
It wasn't the smartest idea. You knew that. But you also knew it was the only thing that could make everything disappear. All the feelings you were having would disappear. All the mistakes you've made would disappear. You Knew from experience, how much of the alcohol and sleeping pills you could take without it being deadly. The deja vu was hitting you hard. You thought you were done with all this after he had left.
Apparently not.
You scanned the contents of the fridge, trying to 'pick your poison' as they say.
"Jack Daniels it is." You whispered to yourself, even though everyone was in such a deep sleep that they wouldn't even be woken by an ambulance siren.
Your poured the whiskey into a small glass, before sneaking back into your room to grab the pills and cigarettes.
You hoped to God that she was asleep.
Pushing the door open at a snails pace, you began to hear her delicate snores and mumbling filling the room.
The cute little noises that, 30 minutes ago, would've made your face light up. But the guilt she had now made you feel, made those cute little noises seem like a bad memory. One that left a bad taste in your mouth.
Because not only was she mad at you, you had now realised how angry you were at her. She was making you feel guilty for no reason whatsoever. She had no genuine reason to be annoyed at you.
You crept over to your bedside and opened the top drawer, where you grabbed the pills and box of half empty cigarettes, then looked over at Helena, shook your head and left.
You did some more sneaking around to get back over to where you had poured your first drink and began.
One drink of whiskey. Then another. And another one after that. When that tipsy feeling kicked in you took a sleeping pill. Just waiting for that numbing feeling you knew a little to well.
After many more drinks and a sleeping pill later, the sun was beginning to crawl its way into the kitchen, meaning soon enough the whole world we be awake again.
Well, everyone except the people in your living room.
You decided to head into your back garden and have a cigarette while the the concoction of whiskey and pills began to set in.
"Y/n love? I'm sorry for what I said, there was no reason for me to get mad. It was the alcohol talking."
You could hear her posh little voice coming from inside the house and decided to ignore her.
You flicked your cigarette butt across the garden just as Helena approached you.
"Y/n darling? Can we make friends? I hate when we fall out."
You grabbed onto the wall to pull yourself up and stumbled as you did. Quite a bit too.
"Woahh steady princess." She reached out and grabbed the top of your arm to steady you.
"Don't call me that. You can't just...think that everything...will be okay. It doesn't just...go back to normal."
You had to harshly blink a few times to stop everything from spinning, and then placed both hands on the wall to stop yourself from tumbling over on your way to the door.
"Why are you talking funny?" She followed you inside, determined to carry on the conversation.
"Why would you care? Your the great Helena Bonham Carter, you don't care about some little 16 year old girl."
"Of course I care about you, I love you. Why are you being so silly?" She put her hands on her hips, like a teacher about to tell you off 
"You know what Hellie, your just like him. Your the same as the rest of them. And I really thought you were different. But noooo, of course your not.  The only difference is that he was a better kisser."
Now that made her angry.
She was taken aback by the insult your threw at her. But she was about to give it back. And ten times as hard.
"You know, for someone who fucks a 55 year old, your extremely immature. I thought you were different. I thought I could trust you, but all you seem to do is keep secrets and hide things from me. Because who is he y/n? I really thought I was more to you than a cure for your mommy issues and clinginess!" She was red in the face and out of breath by the time she'd finished her little rant.
A cure for your mommy issues and clinginess. That was cruel.
"Your sick. Your so sick Helena. I'm done with this and I'm done with you!" You began stumbling towards the door as she began tossing insults at you.
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITHOUT ME Y/N? SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ELSE 3 TIMES YOUR AGE? BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE WILL TAKE ON A LITTLE SLUT LIKE YOU! OOPS! AM I TURNING YOU ON? IS THE DEGRADING TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO HANDLE?!"
The other celebrities sprawled around your living room were beginning to move around in their sleep. Most likely being disturbed by the argument.
"Wow. Fuck you. FUCK YOU! I never realised how much of a bitch you were. I never mentioned him Helena because he was just as nasty as your being right now. He made my life a living hell."
"Every couple fights, why is it such a big deal to you? If you can't handle a bit of shouting or name calling then there's clearly something wrong with you." The way she was acting made you wonder whether you had both taken pills. But no, she really was just being cruel.
"BECAUSE IT WASN'T JUST SHOUTING AND NAME CALLING! YOU SEE THOSE PILLS OVER ON THE COUNTER? I TOOK THOSE EVERYDAY WHEN I WAS WITH HIM BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I FELT I COULD ESCAPE HIM. AND TONIGHT. YOU BECAME THE REASON FOR ME TAKING THOSE PILLS! I never thought you'd be the reason. Ever." Your head was spinning and all you wanted to do was leave before everyone woke up due to the both of you yelling.
"Don't put the blame on me. Don't you dare say it was my fault you little bitch."
Just as she finished her sentence she picked up a wine glass that was sitting near her and launched it in your direction. It missed you by an inch and smashed against the wall. Tears were streaming down your face. You were petrified of her. The person you thought was going to protect you. The person who you thought would stick with you through thick and thin, turned out to be like the boy you kept a secret from her.
It was all a little too familiar. The shouting. The name calling. And especially the glass throwing.
And since it was a glass after all, the smash wasn't quiet and it made your mum gasp. She had been awake. Watching you and Helena argue. You just didn't know for how long.
"W- what, what, what an Earth." She was still a little dazed so she probably hadn't been awake for too long. You prayed to god that she hadn't witnessed everything.
"Hellie? Are you alright?"
"Morning mum, I'm sure your precious little Hellie is fine. I was just leaving." You opened your front door and headed to your best friends house. It was no longer Helena's house to you. It was like it had gone back to normal within the shortest possible amount of time.
You'd be lying if you said you hadn't nearly fallen over around 3 times on your way to Billy's. All the screaming and shouting had made your head pound and was making the pills you took earlier, hit you slightly harder than they usually would.
Billy knew about the pills, he knew about the cigarettes and he knew why you took them. He was the only one who could help you. 
You knocked a couple of times, praying that by some miracle he was awake at this ungodly hour.
"Y/n?" He looked as if he hadn't gone to bed,
"Bill, please help me." You practically fell into his arms, and you were relieved the instant he pulled you in and gave you the biggest squeeze.
"You took the pills again, didn't you?" You nodded your head as he wrapped his arm around you and lead you to the couch.
"Why? Why did you take them, I thought you were done with all of that." He handed you a glass of water with a little funny straw in which made you giggle.
"Can we talk about it tomorrow, it's just that I'm tired and it's a long story." He pulled you in next to him and threw a blanket over the both of you.
"Do you want to watch one of my dads films, they're what you call your 'comfort films' right?" He always had a way of making you laugh even when you didn't want to. 
You usually would've said yes to watching a Tim Burton film but she happened to be in all of your favourites.
"Not tonight Bill." He looked at you and could tell something was going on but he knew that asking about it would make you uncomfortable.
He began flicking through Netflix before landing on the film he had decided to put on.
It was wild child. Your favourite chick flick. He knew you too well.
You and Billy had watched this film countless times and always watched it together at sleepovers because he hated watching his mum in films, especially the ones his dad made. He even knew all the words.
"Welcome to Malibu, biatch!" He did his little American accent, which was quite impressive. It was the perfect ending to possibly one of worst nights of your life.
Well it was perfect.
Until your mum messaged you.

Mum: y/n, I know you've been sleeping with someone. Me and your dad need to have a serious chat with you. Get home now.

Shit

A/N: finally released a chapter even though I said I wasn't going to. Thanks to a little someone for nagging me to write this. Hope you enjoy it. And I hope you enjoy the little cliffhanger I've left you all on. Mwah xoxo