i'm so sick of seventeen (those golden years)

epilogue

Sometimes, when Jungwon wakes up, he feels like nothing is real.

He hasn't told anyone about this, least of all Sunghoon who is––more often than not––by his side first thing in the morning. Opening his eyes doesn't feel like the start of a new day, but rather a continuation of the dream he's just awoken from. He's sure that if he reached his hand out and looked at it it would be fuzzy, like he was looking at it through an old camera lens. Everything feels like its encased in a thick jelly, even moving is slow and sluggish as Jungwon shifts to lay on his side.

Sunghoon is dead to the world beside him. Mouth hanging half open and arms thrown about randomly, it's really not a flattering image of him. Jungwon's seen Sunghoon at his best, his most made up, when he's almost godlike. That Sunghoon is beautiful, made to be marveled at and worshipped. That Sunghoon, though, has nothing on the Sunghoon Jungwon is faced with now. Makeup-free, blemishes and all, this is the Sunghoon Jungwon's in love with. All that love billows out of his body, warming the air in the cocoon the two share. Jungwon wants to reach out and touch him, but the jelly stops him. It doesn't matter much, anyway, because all his moving around has caused Sunghoon to begin to stir in his sleep, slowly pulling out of the deep recesses of unconsciousness. It's only a second before his boyfriend begins to blink awake, smiling limply at him.

"Good morning."

"Hi." Jungwon rests his hands under his cheek, staring.

"How long have you been up?"

Jungwon cuddles closer, but still doesn't touch him. "Not long. A few minutes, maybe."

"Mn." Sunghoon's eyes are closed again, clearly getting ready to go back to sleep. Jungwon sighs, not wanting to be left alone again. Sunghoon peeks one eye open. "What's up? You're sighing a lot over there."

"Nothing. Just thinking, is all."

Sunghoon hums. "About what?"

"You."

"What about me?"

With much effort, Jungwon flips onto his back, staring at the wooden frame above them. It doesn't move at all, so whoever's above them must still be fast asleep. Jungwon lowers his voice a bit. "Just wondering if you're real."

Sunghoon laughs at that, eyes fully open now. "Why wouldn't I be real?"

"I'm just afraid that if I reach out to touch you, my hand will go right through you. Then you'll disappear and I'll wake up."

"Touch me, then. See for yourself if I'm real or not." Sunghoon

Jungwon hesitantly reaches an arm out. He extends one finger and places it in the middle of Sunghoon's solid, not-disappearing chest. It doesn't budge, even after he adds more pressure on it. He's halfway tempted to hit Sunghoon, just to be sure. But before he can get the chance, a hand wraps itself around his arm and yanks him straight into a hard, warm body. Sunghoon looks all too pleased with himself and Jungwon almost wants to pull away, if only to wipe the stupid smug grin off his face.

"See? One-hundred percent real. Now, please stop moving so I can go back to sleep; we have to be up in a couple hours."

Any annoyance is stomped out when Sunghoon uses his morning voice on him. The sound is deep and reverberates in Jungwon's head, like a cat's purr. Sunghoon starts to hum, and Jungwon is done for. The vibrations easily lull him back to the jelly state, and the arms wrapped around him do nothing to help. It's only a second until he's nearly asleep.

The final thought Jungwon's sleep-addled brain can supply before he's fully gone is that if this is all a fever dream, he hopes he never wakes up.