Matty Healy • Medicine

homewrecker.

Dinner was pleasant and the most, i sat and listened and ate slowly and let Alaska speak because holy fuck she could talk for Britain, my mum and dad managed to get a few words in but my younger brother stayed quiet like me; i could tell this was weird for him.

"Matthew," my mum whispered under Alaska's conversation, glaring from me to the clock, its six o'clock so i am supposed to take my meds, i get up to go elsewhere but i was stopped by Alaska finally including me in conversation.

"What are you taking?" she asked.

"Fluoxotine," i replied cautiously, i don't like talking bout these things.

"Oh, i was on that last year, even been on duloxetine?"

"Um no," i said incredibly awkwardly, when was i ever this awkward taking to a girl?

"Oh i was, your just flat out," she said weirdly cheerily, like she had such enthusiasm for this subject.

"venlafaxine?" i asked this time, thinking back to a few years ago.

"Yes!" she elated, "i hated it," I laughed a little, looking to the rest of the people sat round the table, desperate to either jump into out little conversation or quickly change subject. I left for the bathroom, the little orange prescription bottles resting along the sink looked pathetic. I took a while looking at my reflection too, not out of vanity but because the person i was looking at really looked nothing like me, not as bad as in the hospital but not my usual self.

"Boo!" a voice whispered into my ear making me jump a mile, i looked back into the mirror from the daydream i had fallen into to find a second reflection - Alaska.

"What the fuck?" i shouted and softly as i could as not to attract the attention of my family.

"Sorry," she chuckled, "It was just so tempting!"

"What are you doing here?" i asked.

"I was actually feeling a bit ill and your mum said i should get a drink from here as the kitchen is too messy and she doesn't want me to go in,"

"really?"

"No, as lovely as your family is i kind of want to go now because i am kind of bad at sitting still and i am tired and believe it or not i am literally run out of things to say, so are you going to walk me home?" she said so fast it took a few seconds to process what she said.

"Sure," i sighed, i realise i am talking like a complete simpleton and should include more than like three words in my answers.

"Are these all yours?" i nodded and she asked picking up the orange bottles and reading the tiny text pasted onto them. She rearranged them all into alphabetical order and then tidied them away to the top shelf of one of the cupboards.

"What is that about?"

"I like them to be ordered, it helps you know," she shrugged leaving the bathroom without getting a drink, "come on," she gestured me to follow her with her hand.

Alaska thanked my mum greatly for the food and they had a final little conversation about the wall in the living room. Then she made a point of hugging everyone good bye whilst still sat at the table, i got our coats and waited by the door. It was several minutes before Alaska actually came but when she did it was like i was only just confronted by her confused beauty, like she looked like she could be homeless but her face was more Alexa Chung, i think it was being sexually attracted to somebody when your parents are in the same room is awkward.

"So Matthew, why are you taking all these tablets how fucked up are you?" she chuckled as we walked down the street, me clueless to where we were going because i haven't a clue where her house is.

"Just some new year's party i got really wrecked and blacked out and had to be taken to hospital where i was diagnosed with all these problems,"

"Oh, what problems?" she inquired and i looked at her to say- back off, but continued anyway.

"Err, depression, addiction, heart problem shit," i explained.

"Well that explains you pretty well," she said and i scoffed, "Like you barely say anything and kind of look like you haven't eaten in weeks but that's what coke does i guess," Its like she has no barrier which between thoughts and speech and so would just come across rude to some instead of curious but at the same time it was tiring, i do not want some kid telling me what i already know about myself. How old even was she? She looked about sixteen.

"Why do you care anyway?" i said after a few more of her intensive questions.

"I don't know, i like you and your mum is sweet," she replied.

"Then why do you know so much about these things?" i asked and she shrugged her shoulders, "Well why don't you tell me about yourself, why were you taking those antidepressants?"

"When i was fifteen i tried to kill myself," she said casually.

"Why?" i asked cautiously, i know that was pushing it a bit but she had been pushing plenty of questions on me tonight.

"Can i get back to you on that?" she said quietly, finally shutting up for the first time tonight, we walked in silence for a few more minutes, i hadn't a clue where we were going and i had the feeling that neither did she.

"What was the last thing you did that was really bad?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"not sure,"

"Well two moths ago i cheated on my boyfriend of five years who is also my boss, with everyone in the work office and he found out because everyone was fighting more than usual, so he fired me and dumped me and now i'm now i'm living with my brother," she pointed to the house we reached in perfect timing to her sentence.

"And, you're telling me this because?" i asked.

"Look, i generally don't fuck depressed dudes but i will make an exception, my brother is out so we could do it easily as long as we turn the lights off because you kind of look like a druggie,"

"What?" i choked out.

"But he will be back at seven AM so you have to leave by then,"

"Look Alaska, you're really beautiful but i have only just met you and i don't want to have sex with you," i answered my tone of voice really showing my surprised emotions.

"Oh," she spoke, and then pulled me into a incredibly tight hug, i could feel her body shaking a little like she was sobbing but she quickly pulled away, wiping away a few tears, "I'm fine. See you round Matthew," and like that she scuttled up the drive and disappeared into the house.

I was so confused.

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