Getting Out Of The Box

Part 1

Why do people care a lot about their first kiss or their first boyfriend ? Why do those things matter when we are teenagers? Shouldn't we focus more on studies and where we are going to end up ? At least, that's what my parents say, but saying things like that out loud will only make me be the weirdo of the school. So I keep quiet. 

My name is Ariana, I'm 15 years old, freshman in Pennsylvania High School. I have wavy black hair , braces, glasses and i'm about 5'4 feet.  I've never been the kind of girl that gets along with everyone and  join the school's cheer leading team. I'm the complete opposite, in fact, i don't get along with almost anybody. I have an immense crush on this boy that rides my school bus, Logan. He has the perfect smile and is extremely gorgeous. I think I'm in love with someone i barley now his name. We've never talked, i just stare at his amazing smile and beautiful brown eyes, but he never notice me, and never will because he's a junior and probably has a girlfriend. 

My best friend is the same since kinder garden, Bailey. She has brownish straight hair, 5'6, and "perfect body". We've never been separated, until this year. I didn't get Bailey in any of my classes this year, but i get to see her at lunch and in the morning, but i don't get to talk much. She loves herself , but also has a huge crush on a junior name Tyler. She always talks and talks about him. And me ? Well, i just listen.  I did get one of my friends in all my classes, Judy, she's becoming my best friend now. I think. She's about 5'6, short kind of boy-ish black hair, and glasses. I just enjoy the way she sees life. I think she's staring to change me, but for good. She's very creative, smart, and outgoing. I've known her since 7th grade, but actually really connected with her this year.

I used to have a boy best friend, Ryan, but i haven't talk to him ever since he admitted he was in love with me. People say, having your best friend as a couple is like the best thing that can happen, but in my situation it isn't. Ryan used to be boyfriend of one of my 7th grade best friends, Sara. Sara  didn't talked to me when I became best friends with Ryan. They started going out in 8th grade, I had Ryan in about 3 classes and he knew i knew his girlfriend, so he started talking to me. I thought having my two best friends as boyfriend and girlfriend would be awesome, but people started talking, people thought Ryan and I were a couple because we were always together during school. This made Sara slowly walking away and becoming a stranger to me. Unfortunately, Ryan and Sara broke up, before we entered high school. She never knew the real thing between me and Ryan, when we were best friends, he did make me laugh and was there for me every moment. He even tried hooking me up with a kid I had a crush on, but it ended up a complete fail. Ryan always told me he was jealous of Sara's boy best friend, Max, because they spent lot of time together. There relationship was full of untrust, i guess, Ryan didn't like Max and Sara didn't like me. It was almost winter vacations when i got a text from Ryan confessing me everything he felt for me. I didn't know what to say in that moment. I panicked. i told him I loved him too. But i lied. I didn't know what happen to me, i just told him. I guess i was afraid of breaking his heart, but i didn't realize i would be breaking his heart even more when he found out I lied. Luckily nothing happen between me and him i just keep saying nothing could happen because he has an ex of one of my friends. I started to ignore him slowly so he can forget me and because i started to talk again with Sara more this year and I didn't want her to know what Ryan felt for me because it would only break her heart even more.