Runaways- Runaways 1

Chapter 17: Eli

We were cruising down the road in a tan suburban. It felt like it was ten years old and the inside reeked of cigarette smoke, but it was doable. Aaliyah, Marcus, and Luke had fallen asleep in the backseat, but Peyton was still awake next to me. I was driving.

It was still dark. We'd been driving for over an hour, but we didn't have much longer to go. We'd crossed the Florida state line a few minutes ago, and now we were just outside of Hilliard. The suburban only had a little bit of gas left. We could make it thirty minutes at most.

Even though she was awake, Peyton hadn't spoken to me at all. Or anyone, for that matter, even when the others were awake. I hadn't spoken either. I think we were both still trying to process what had just happened. I had a blood stain on my pants leg, but I hadn't had time to change before we got to the car.

"Are you okay?" I asked her finally. She shook her head.

"It's my fault, isn't it?"

"How in the world is it your fault?" I was confused. We were defending ourselves and there was no way we could have gotten out of there without blood on our hands.

"The girl. I could have done something. We could have helped her. I know this sounds really bad, but I don't really care about the men compared to watching her. She was little. She looked to be my youngest sister's age." When we stopped at the next red light, I turned to look at her. Then I noticed the tears streaking her face. "I never wanted to kill anyone," she whispered. "Not even the men. And now I've not only killed two fully grown, cruel adults, but I've killed an innocent child too."

"No, you haven't," I corrected. "You weren't holding the gun. You tried to stop her. We did all we could. We had to kill them if we wanted to get out of there. You're right, we could have helped the girl, but she didn't want us to. We couldn't stop her. The situation was out of our control." She sighed heavily.

"There's always something more you can do, but you don't realize what it was until it's too late," she stated. "That's going to haunt me for the rest of my life." I shook my head.

"I was the one who stopped her the first time, but I wasn't fast enough the second time. I'm struggling too. I feel like it's my fault that we lost a third life. Do you think I wanted to kill the men in the first place?"

"Well, I'm not sure. You seemed pretty set on it," she countered. I bit my lip, ashamed that she'd seen it that way. That wasn't who I was. I didn't want her to see me as a killer.

"I truly didn't. It was out of self-defense. You saw Luke after. If I hadn't attacked and choked the guy myself, Aaliyah wouldn't have been able to shoot him, and he would have choked Luke to death. Mostly, I was doing it for your protection. I wanted to make the fight as short as possible and keep you out of it."

I gripped the steering wheel in both hands. I'd gotten my license over a year ago, but I'd never really been out on the road much. I had enough experience after I got my permit though. I just didn't like driving at night.

"That doesn't justify murder," she whispered. Her comment stung. I swallowed the lump in my throat, fighting the need to release the waterworks. "I would have fought anyway. And you're assuming I wasn't trying to do the same for you. Look, if we've gotten this far, chances are, we could have knocked the guys out, turned the girl into the police or something, and still managed to escape whatever charges we'd have to face for hurting them. But what's done is done and you don't seem the least bit bothered by it." Her voice cracked with emotion on the last word.

"Peyton, I—I don't understand what you want—I don't get what you want me to say," I replied, keeping my voice low and cool. I didn't want to argue over this. "This isn't the first time. I wish it was. But there was another time. I felt just as much regret then as I do now."