Not everyone has the same life as others.Most people tend to live perfect great encouraging, loving ,favourable life's.But what about the rest?,does it mean God doesn't look after them??well I don't think so but tends to look that way..
For me what I would say is my life is one messy ,doubting, poor, discouraging ,unloving life and if I could use all the unpleasant words I would but what can I do rather than thank God for the gift of life.. Sometimes things happen in life and you wonder how did Jesus endure all that He went through and not to mention Him being on the cross.Falling into temptation is easy getting out of temptation is hard,and not to mention all the guilt it comes with it oooff just so disgusting.
Ever thought of committing suicide??, cutting your self, hanging yourself, running away, dying.YES! I'm sure ,wait lemme speak for myself since not everyones life is imperfect as mine not to judge anyone's life . Personally those thoughts have come several times and even seeing my perfumes infront of me,my sanitizer,my oils not even sure if they would kill or just give me diarrhoea.However what held me back is the thought of suicide being a sin .If I were to commit suicide and I die I would have died with a sin and wouldn't be able to repent for it since I'm no more unless my best friend oh wait I have no best friend so let's just say unless one of my "friends" or "family"or boyfriend ah wait I keep tripin' I don't even have a boyfriend so yeah if any of them decides to fast and pray on my behalf for God to forgive me my sins which I don't think it's a thing but who would even do that coz I can't why would I fast and pray for you yet you had plenty of time on earth and you cut it off and you know what comes next I'd rather stay in earth and suffer knowing God is watching over me and be victorious later in heaven than cut the suffering in earth and suffer in eternity you know where right?
Now this the catch,you see the thing is suicide ,I could describe it as unthinkable murder coz at that moment none of your senses are working and trust me your mind doesn't even think once and that's when the spirit in you acts up and you blow up and boom your gone so I wouldn't really blame or judge anyone you know you might never know what's coming for you. Selena Gomez didn't go wrong when she said the world can be a nasty place and we all know it but where I kinda find it hard is when she says killem' with kindness coz sometimes you find other people's negative ideas , rudeness, disappointments killing you but you gotta make sure you strong and I know it's hard but have you heard about faking it till you make it Yap! Fake that strongness till you become stronger...
This just suicide I'mtalking about coz that's what I thought of doing ten minutes ago before I took my phone and started writing about this to you guys not even sure if anyone would read it but you know I would write a trillion things that led to this suicide and you will realise life is just so fake Coz darling I think I should win an award coz when it comes to fake smiling around my "friends",teachers,social media and family wow especially my family damn I'm literally laughing coz i'm sure they have no idea of what's going on coz they think oh all she does is sit watch tv, Instagram,snapchat, tiktok and eat.hehehehehhe wow that's just so sad to see that coz actually those are the things draining me you know you guys should see me smiling while doing tiktok challenges I'm so good at it like damn but with my dad not ever letting me go out and my mom shouting at me till kinda became my routine and just reached a time when it stopped hurting me and it's like I had a layer of wax that those words never got to me and I acted like I didn't care and she saw that as rudeness not knowing that her shouting made me that way lol.. Anyways my brothers are another kind of vibe,part of me just want to laugh and talk with them how they are laughing with me but the sad,angry, depressed, overwhelmed part of me overtakes my 1% happiness and I feel more sad coz they don't know what's going on with me but what can I do it's not like I can just go and say oh hey I'm depressed yet even my dad doesn't believe in depression apparently like what's wrong with him ugh...
I didn't mention my sister's right oh I will just be patient.away from my family back to suicide or was it depression or was it anxiety wait I didn't even mention anxiety right and you know that's a disease today like eh dear this generation coz damn we got "advanced"diseases though I'm healthy just not mentally and difference is that it causes emotional pain not physical wait which ones worse ah I don't even wanna know but I guess the physical one butt what about the emotional one coz it leads to suicide right but physical can also lead to death ugh this world is hectic can someone rewind me back to the moment where Adam used to eat from trees and walk naked not thinking of hoodies sweatshirts but don't get me wrong I'm obsessed with clothes just moneyless and I hope there were fries in the garden coz ugh I'm so addicted ..wait a minute now my life looks kinda perfect compare to the beginning right? I know right coz after like minutes as I write this God comforted my heart and it's healing and for that all glory to God right??
Oops I didn't warn yeah right?? nahhh I didn't, so this not the beginning of the story basically just giving you a hint of what the story will be about and maybe even just siking you up hehehe but for goodness sake hope you "enjoy" some time in my life and stay tuned my loves.................
Before you tune in I hope you realize I'm an author right?so don't take things Into heart even though it's a part based on a true story.
