|Claire De Lune|

Etude

Please listen to "Etude" by Joep Beving whilst listening to this chapter.

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I am simply a creature that was created only for the sole reason of consumption. Nothing less, nothing more.

I am a creature. Not a human being. Nothing less, nothing more.

These are the words that I affirmed to my self frequently. The feeling of emptiness was not new to me for I knew it was the only thing I could feel.

I never felt the feeling of need or hunger. Although I was fulfilled, the feeling of emptiness still remains deep down.

This was my darkest secret. This was something I would take to my grave. That's oneof the few things human beings and the creature I am have in common.

When I look in the mirror dulled eyes stare back. The girl seemed tired as if he hadn't slept in weeks which I suppose would be true. I wonder why people claim they are worried. Human beings are a strange thing but the creature I am is stranger. The creature craves the feeling that human beings have but when the creature feels those feelings it is disgusted with itself.

It feels unworthy of feelings other than pain, disgust, hatred, and the feeling it feels most of all. Emptiness. But even so, the creature feels guilty to feel those for it doesn't deserve to breathe or live.

Why is the term "living" so inaccurate. Although we breathe the air that is formed on Earth and from trees "living" is not something that likes of my kind have ever experienced. For I am nothing. I am ignored. I am irrelevant. I do not matter.

I am not a human being.

I am cells that are grouped into sections that forms my vital organs. I am only created for pure satisfaction of others. This is the hard truth. Human beings are monsters but so am I. That's the second things we have in common.

It disgusts me to think I'd ever even consider myself as a human being. The fact that we share the same organs disgusts me.

It's kind of like when you were a kid who gets left out in a game or when you're at a party and the only person you know is talking to another person.

It's that feeling that has always stuck with me. If there was a name for it then describing the thing known as "emotion" would be much easier.

I often find myself in libraries or reading books because I find that when I read is the only time I experience emotion other than pain. It's the only time I come close to living.

I remind myself that the sole purpose of my existence is to consume and then die. It's the truth. The hard, cold, truth. When someone hits you, hit back twice as hard.

But I guess you can't really hit me. You can't hurt me. You can't do anything.

I have a relatively good memory. It's unexplainable though. I don't.... no... I can't remember most of the thing we call "childhood." It's in snippets.

The truth is, the creature doesn't need people like them. The creature is imperfect yet perfect at the same time.

Unpredictable. That is something that the creature doesn't see often. The creature predicts every humans next move up to their last move. The creature has learned a pattern over time.

Humans don't like change. I've noticed that. So, they will naturally and subconsciously repeat the same things even if they are mistakes. There is no avoiding it.

It fascinates me. I've so learned that humans are disposable. They are easily deceived and believe whatever information is spoon fed to them.

Over time, I say "facts" that are false or untrue just to see if they will notice. But they do not.

It's hilarious.

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A/N: Thanks for reading.