a letter for you [ eremika ]

✉️

Dear Eren Yeager,

I wonder how are you doing. I hope you're doing well in whenever you are. All of us are doing well here. We all really miss you. They didn't actually show it but I know they missed you too.

Actually there's a reason why I'm writing this letter. I just want to say my thanks and maybe also some few memories. I know you'll never read this but I'm just going to say it anyways.

Thank you for saving me when I got kidnapped by those people who murdered my parents. I was so afraid, lots of negative thoughts filled my head. As such, What if I got killed the same way they killed my parents? What if they sold me to an inappropriate place? The thought itself is just so scary.

Then there's you, saving me,

wrapping the red scarf around my neck,

giving me comfort,

as well as happiness.

You have no idea how much you make me feel safe after that happened. Though, I'm always there everytime you got into a fight with the other kids haha.

Actually, these feelings had started ever since you saved me. The feeling of wanting to help you, protect you, love you. Everything. It all started with the red scarf you wrapped around my neck.

Remember the time where we were trying to save you from Reiner and the others? I was so afraid to lose you. You kept on getting caught by enemies and getting hurt. But thankfully we managed to save you. There's a lot of casualties happening when we were saving you.

And when Hannes got eaten by Zeke's mother? When we stare into each other's eyes? It was so painful for me to watch you in grief like that. I just had to tell you what I felt about you when you wrapped the scarf around my neck. It felt like the time stopped when I told you about it as we stare into each other's eyes.

I was really happy when you said you'll wrap the scarf around me as many times and I want. My heart went warmed. Thank you for carrying me at your back after you defeated her. That makes me so happy too.

And do you remember when we were preparing to attack Rod Reiss? I accidentally noticed you staring, I was confused but just ignored it. I'm sorry that I ignored your staring and told you to get back to work. But you suddenly punched yourself, making Armin and I surprised by your sudden self harm. I just had to hold you back before you can cause more damage to yourself.

And you called yourself a loser. That is not true, Eren. You are not a loser. You're just a suicidal maniac that I loved. The person that I and the other guys adore. You have no idea how much you meant to us. Even if they didn't showed it, deep down they were always worrying about you.

That one time when we were heading back home on a train after doing the rails, when all of us were bickering about who will take over as the Attack Titan until you suddenly said that you will not give it to any of us because we're so special to you. That actually make all of us happy to be honest.

I don't really know if you noticed or remembered, but when we all got drunk in Marley, I laid next to you. We drank and drank and drank till we all dropped. Armin was beside us too, you placed your left leg on Jean's neck, Sasha throwing up, and Connie just sat down slowly falling asleep. We all got caught and got scolded by the shrimp, Levi. Hahaha. It was really fun. Really.

I wish we have those days again. Where everything is just— us. Me, you, Armin, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Historia, Reiner, Annie. But of course, I know those days won't come back.

Oh and the time where we ran away and living together for your remaining 4 years? Thank you for that too. Even if I know what's coming but still, thank you for giving me that alternative universe. I am sorry for killing you, but I just had to do it. I had to end your life even if it hurts me. It has to be me to end your life, Eren.

When that day you asked what you meant to me, I regretted my answer. I should've said what you really meant to me. I wanted to say you're someone special to me but ended up saying you're my family.

And I regretted that.

I always wondered what if I told you you're someone special than family?

Would I be able to understand your feelings more?

From that day till now, I still don't know the answer to it.

I really want to know what if I said the other way.

I really enjoyed our days together. Even if you acted cold towards me, saying painful things to me, I would always love you, care for you.

Thank you for showing me happiness. I remembered my mother once told me that I will surely find happiness with someone. And I did. The person is you, Eren. You brought me happiness since the day we met. Even though our first encounter was when I got kidnapped, but I am still happy to be able to meet someone like you.

Thank you for giving me a purpose to live.

Thank you for being by my side.

Thank you for being one of the special person to me.

Thank you for being my first kiss.

Thank you for being my first love.

I am now happy with my current life with my family. With Jean and our daughter. The others too, Armin and Annie are happy, so do Reiner, Connie, and Pieck. Though Reiner is still fawning over Historia. Haha.

Even Gabi and Falco became fine adults. I'm pretty sure Captain is just the normal but is happy though he lost his right eye. Both Gabi and Falco is taking care of him. Historia and her family is doing well in the inner walls too. Her daughter is so adorable! Wish you can meet her. She's a sweetheart.

Please do remember that we will always love you and be by your side.

I will always come and visit your grave everytime. Don't worry, I will visit you every month.

I shall end my letter. I loved and missed you. Do rest in peace,

Eren.

Lots of love,
Mikasa Ackerman

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'' Eren, that's not true. Eren, listen, I need to tell you something. You've always been at my side. Thank you. You showed me how to live with purpose. And you - you wrapped this scarf around me."

" I'll wrap that around you as many times as you want. Now and forever, as much as you want! "

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I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.

- a thousand years, Christina Perri