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😊||48|| ''You and Elijah?''

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I spent a lot of time alone. It began with me purposely cutting myself off, but I soon realised that whatever was going on in Mystic Falls was big enough to take up most all of everyone's time. I hadn't seen anyone during my shifts at The Grill or around town for days. Klaus kept his distance. Rebekah too, surprisingly. I thought that maybe I'd woken an urge for vendetta in her. I hadn't seen Elijah, nor had I made an effort to. There was too much going on in my head. The urge to run far away from Mystic Falls and never look back was growing stronger every day. And, being away from him, the pain lessened. I knew that as soon as I saw him it would feel like nothing mattered; the constant feud between his family and my friends, the fear of feeling this way – none of it would matter.

The more time that passed, the more I realised that the reason that had brought me back to Mystic Falls wasn't the reason keeping me there. Fear, doubt, uncertainty. Those things had me stuck again. Living was getting easier, sure. But I wasn't sure that this place would ever feel like home again. It was familiar, but it had been a long time since it felt safe. Ever since before... well, before.

I kept wondering where she had gone. There was a place people went. But she wasn't supernatural, and that side was the only one I knew of. There had to be a place for her, somewhere. I hated the thought of her just... ceasing. Lately, I often found myself mumbling things to her out loud. Wanting her advice; hoping that she was somewhere listening and answering, even if I couldn't hear her.

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One day Elena sat down at one of my tables at The Grill.

She looked like herself, but as soon as I came closer I would've drowned in her distress if I let myself. Her hesitant greeting only fuelled my suspicion that something was very, very wrong.

''I know you've been...'' she began, but stopped herself for a second. ''I know you didn't want to get involved, but...'' Her eyes were tearing up, and I immediately sat down. ''I have to tell you,'' she continued, taking a deep breath. ''Ric is dead.''

I fought to keep my guard up and not let her sadness flood me. What I felt was enough to halt my breathing, the shock freezing my entire body. I couldn't get a word out, but she continued, telling me about things I hated myself for not knowing because if I had, maybe I could have helped. Maybe I could have done something.

''His ring – the Gilbert ring, it seems like... like if you die with it too many times it changes you. Causes blackouts, that kind of thing. And Ric... he- Esther used him to make another Original vampire. So that he could kill all of them. But he didn't want to complete the transition.''

Her words registered in my mind in snippets. By now I was crying quietly, beating myself up in my mind. I never knew him like she did, but I knew him. ''I'm sorry,'' I said, my voice breaking, but the words felt empty and without any worth.

''We killed Finn,'' Elena said. ''Their brother.''

My first reaction was that I just wanted to leave. I wanted to get out of this town, this place somehow always shrouded in death, but I forced myself to think.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted her to know that I was on her side. That I didn't approve of everything that had happened, just because of the feelings I had no say in. But I couldn't help but think of Elijah; who had just lost a brother and I had no idea it had happened. ''I hate how Klaus treating you,'' I said, trying my best, ''and how he's always... I don't know, scheming, but-''