14.

School...

Todays my third day of y10, moving to a new school is hard especially when your in your 4th year of secondary school and everyone's already made friends. Most of my classmates are nice, some are childish but funny, I've made a few friends; Mia, Callum, Jake, Kacie and loise(everyone calls her Lou for short), I've made some more but those are my closest. In my past school I wasn't very liked, back in y7 I had a fight with someone who was picking on my cousin but turns out I got the wrong girl and broke her nose, so from then on everyone was either scared of me or disgusted with me, I said sorry and everything to that girl I even feel guilty to this day and it's been 3 years but what i did to her was horrible and I wasn't surprised if everyone hated me for it, hell I even hate myself for it.

My uniforms very colourless, everything dark and grey, a grey blazer, a black skirt, black tights, grey tie and of course the white shirt. My shoes are flat and boring just like my bag but I like my coat, its black with a very fluffy hood ring, but most girls have them. It's winter so I wear this hat with a fluffy Pom Pom on the top and a white scarf, I wear extra socks too but I think everyone does.

As I'm walking to school in my short skirt I see this man walking behind me, and he's got his phone down and it's facing towards my bum, I'm all alone so my heart is racing, if I run it'll make it too obvious that i see him but if I don't run he could get me and god knows what he'll do to me, so I cut a corner and quickly hid behind a bush, the man walks past and doesn't see me, I feel safe again. Most days this will happen, old men, teenager boys staring at me, in my short skirt, I've asked my mum so many times to buy me school trousers but she says that I'll have to deal with my skirt seen as thought she can't afford any right now with it being so close to Christmas and having to buy mine and my siblings presents. Being a girls is hard especially when your young and dumb and don't know what to do in that situation. I've been told many times to kick them in the balls if they get too close but what if my leg misses and then they grab me, I get so scared that I have a panic attack and hide but I'm sure that's what every teenage girl does, right? I finally got to school and saw my friends, when I walked over to them I didn't tell them because I was scared they was going to tell me that I was stupid and should've just rang the police or ran but they don't get me, I don't think anyone does.

Walking around school becomes a chore most days, always having people stare at you because your the new girl, always feeling like people are judging you, maybe your hair isn't the right colour, maybe your mascara is running down my face, maybe your to pale, why do I have to over think this I looked okay this morning that wouldn't of changed in the short space of 2 hours, I don't think, I hope not. Walking past groups of boys thinking their going to stare at you, walking past a group of girls who are going to make fun of your make up, walking past teachers who will say something about your uniform and end up giving you a detention and loads more things, when I walk out of class I get so scared of walking to another for these reasons, I just want to crawl into a ball and be left there, to be hidden from everyone.

My first class was maths, sure maths can be okay once you get the question but maths can me so hard and boring it hurts my brain. Most days during maths I just stare out the window at the birds eating bread that some kid must of left at break, watching the 6th former boys play football on the field, sometimes seeing classmates jump over the fence at the far back of the field and not being caught. Lessons drag on making them feel like hours even thought there one hour long. I don't even get to sit next to any of my friends, some of them are on the other side of the class room and others are in English or pe. As I'm walking to history I see the boy I like, his blue eyes that look like the Hawaiian sea, his brown curly hair that dangles in from of his cute perfectly shaped face and his smile, I love that smile, he starts walking over to me and my heart starts racing, "hey April you look really pretty today", did he really just say that? Am I dreaming right now? I get mega butterflies and say back "thanks Danny you look great as always" he stares at me and smiles and then asks if we had homework for religious educations, I check my planner and say "yes we do it's in for today, did you not do it?" He answers with a no and asks if he can copy mins, of course I say yes how stupid can I be, he was using me calling me pretty just to use my homework, he was probably lying, as he gives me back my homework he wispers in my ear "thanks gorgeous" why does he have to mess with my feelings like that, he can probably tell I like him, unless... maybe he likes me, no why would he like me, I'm the new girl, plus he has so many other girls falling for him so why would he want me.

As I sit in history I couldn't take my mind of him, his perfect lips and his soft voice, while im day dreaming away I hear a loud voice "APRIL THOMPSON ARE YOU DEATH GIRL" I jump in my chair and say "yes miss?" She says "what was one of the medieval public health systems?" Shit I don't remember this, suddenly the boy next to me nudged me and wispered "aqueducts" so I say it to the teacher and I get it right, I thank the boy and he says "my names Charlie, whats yours?", I reply with "I'm April, I love your name Charlie", Charlie blushes and thanks me. Charlie has this bleach blonde hair and green eyes, he's quite cute but not many girls go for him, why? To be honest I don't know, he seems kind and he's got good lucks, if I was his girlfriend I would always want to be with him and hug him, I can tell he's a good hugger. "Your new here aren't you" he asks "yep came on Monday" I replied "why did you move here out of all the places?" He asks again "well I wasn't doing very well in my old school, I was being bullied everyday and I ended up skipping every lesson and got kicked out" I replied, "oh I'm sorry some people are just cunts, plus why would anyone want to bully you, you seem so nice" he says, I smile and just stare into his eyes for what seems like forever, what am I doing I think to myself I'm not in one of them teenage girl movies with the girl who thinks every boy wants her, snap out of it April, "thanks" I reply.

When I get home my mums sat on the sofa and she's crying, she sees me and in a teary voice says "come here baby I need to talk to you" while walking over I'm thinking of so many bad things that could've happened, maybe my aunty had a miscarriage or my dad got his hand trapped in a machine at work. "Whats wrong mum why are you crying" I ask "early this morning after you had left for school your mamas nurse rang me and told me that she passed away in her sleep late in the night" she says. I'm speechless, I don't know what to say, I start bursting into tears, she was my best friend, she was the only one I could talk to, I loved her stories and when we would sing together, visiting her after school and watching movies with her, she was such a happy person, why does life have to be so cruel and take away the people you love most. That night I stayed with my mum and my siblings in the living room watching old tapes of mama dancing on her wedding day and reading us her time stories when we were younger, then we watched some of her favourite movies, falling asleep on the couch while hearing her voice was nice, but I was dreading the next day.

The next day my mum let me stay off school and watch movies all day. My friends messaged me every hour sneaking on their phones and asking how I was and what i was doing and trying to chear me up, I love them so much, they made me happy and for the rest of the day I stopped crying and called with them for a bit, my mama was still on my mind but they helped me by being funny.