Discovering Cancer

       So when you’re lost and you’re tired,

When you’re broken in two,

Let my love take you higher,

Cause I, I still turn to you-

Hitting the button on my alarm clock, I rolled over and sat up on my narrow, yet comfy bed. Last night’s barely-finished homework littered the floor of my bedroom along with dirty clothes from yesterday and music folders filled with clarinet music. As I turned around, I saw my poster-covered wall.

       I slipped on my pink, fluffy slippers and groggily walked into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the big, frameless mirror; my straight, black hair was frizzy and unkempt from a night of tossing and turning. My eyes were such a deep chestnut brown, others often say they look like the special brownies you can get at the bakery. A few freckles dotted my slightly blushing cheeks. My eyebrows were dark and thick, like a replica of my dad’s.

       As I ponder about the incoming day, I took a shower, brushed my teeth and fixed my hair into a ponytail. After that, I walked back into my bedroom and changed into a pink, short sleeved T-shirt under a simple grey hoodie. Being only 5 feet tall, the fabric of my jeans bunched up near my ankles.

       I stuffed my homework into my backpack as I grabbed my clarinet and rushed downstairs. The smell of rice, lettuce and pork filled the air. Mom must be making my lunch. “Good morning, Rachel,” my mom said. “Get your lunch packed and get ready for school.” She tells me that every single morning, even when I don’t need it. Even though my mother is petite, she is very hot tempered and she always yells at us when we make the slightest mistakes. My dad and I sometimes try to make her angry just for the fun of it, but we both know that we wouldn’t survive a day without her.

       I packed my lunch, then poured milk and cereal into a bowl. Just as I was starting to spoon the food into my mouth, the loud noise of a plate shattering filled my ears, making me cringe. “Arghh!” my mom suddenly screamed in agony. I quickly rushed over to her and led her to a chair. Mom has been having random spasms of back pain lately. She also has had a lot of cough attacks recently, too; and they are just getting worse as time passes. She has been to the doctor a few times already, but has not been diagnosed yet. The doctors only gave her cough medicine and painkillers; like that would help anything.

After most of the pain has subsided, my mom told me, “Rachel, I am going to the doctor to get a PET-CT scan while you’re at school. I will tell you and dad the results tonight.” Wait... What? Mom is going to check for cancer? Why would back pain be related to cancer? What if the results are positive? No, I can’t afford to think like this, I have to get to school. I said goodbye to my mom and walked to school.

Throughout the day, the words my mom said to me before school haunted my mind; “I am going to the doctor to get a PET-CT scan while you’re at school. I will tell you and dad the results tonight.” Why cancer would result in back pain was beyond my understanding. But still, I can’t help but wonder what the results are going to be. I am scared of finding out. Although, at the same time, I’m curious. What would the results be? Would it be positive or negative? What if my mom has cancer?  No, if I keep thinking like this I will break down, and it would end badly if I start bawling in front of everyone.

I tried concentrating in class, but no matter how hard I try, my mind wanders off to what my mom said to me at breakfast. In the morning, my teacher asked me a question, but I couldn’t answer it because my mind was wandering. Being the teacher’s pet, everyone looked at me weirdly. I was the girl who was always paying attention and the one who got A+’s on everything. This was new for them. At lunch, my friends had noticed my blank state, and asked me about it. I assured them I was fine. They weren’t convinced, but they didn’t push it. The rest of the day went by with the same patters; me trying to concentrate, but then getting lost in my thoughts again.