Be My Therapist

Dad issues

I've been wanting to tell someone about the things I feel for a long time
But the things i have to share are  So hard to be told
Cause you cannot assure if that person will understand you or will judge you even if they are close enough to you.
But I have to let this out of my chest that is why I'm just going to write it down.
So I don't know from where should I start
I think I should start with my family. the closest people around me. My Dad the eldest in the house a foreigner from Sierra leone came to Morocco for his studies, he met my mom and gave up on it, so he started making traditional Moroccan clothing. As known he is a very kind person, generous even he is a poor man. Known in the family for being a real Muslim, he prays in time, he doesn't say bad words, he doesn't talk about people behind their backs, he fasts. But what can be wrong with him? Doesn't he  sound So perfect. Everyone tells me I wish I had a father like yours.
Yet I wish I had no father!! It must be shocking right. Yes I know I was shocked as well and disappointed at the same time. I'll tell you why. Well I'll start it by talking about my older sister, she's 30 years old, she left school at a young age, she wasn't really into studies so it was difficult for her to have a job. As I said before that we are a poor family, so she worked for lots of part time jobs as a waitress. With time while growing up she became a prostitute, unfortunately we all knew about that, yet we had nothing to do about it cause she was helping my parents to provide us a good life, to help us continue our studies and grow up in a different way as she did. Why did I have to jump from my father's story to my sister's. Well it's all related. First of all as I said before that we all new about my sister's job my Dad did too. One day I came from a part time job I'm having and found my sister in her car crying, I asked her why, I was really worried cause I have never seen her crying before, and If she does cry it means that something huge happened. So I got her to talking about it, then  she told me that my Dad sexually harassed her, wow wait a minute, I was like are you serious, it felt impossible. Yet I tried to listen to her, she told me that she was making breakfast for him and he came to thank her and then he kissed her in the cheeks, We are not very comfortable with our Dad cause he is known as a strict man, Even when we travel for days we do not hug him, we just shake hands and that's it. till now all is normal. Until he forced her to kiss him in the mouth, I knew my sister very well, she wouldn't make that up about my father cause she admired him as well, so I had no other way to do not believe her. I asked her how did she react towards him, and she said that she slapped him from the shock, and what convinced me more is that when I went home my dad was so quiet, she left home and he said nothing, yet I acted like I knew nothing, we all did even My mom knew but we didn't have the audacity to say anything about it. We didn't want to ruin things more than Its already ruined.
So In conclusion My dad turns Out to be a  pervert, maybe a psychopath as well.
Yet I have no choice but to live with him in the same house. I'm always thinking about it and I always feel disappointed and wish if I had no Father than to have this kind of father who is giving the image of an innocent, a kind and normal man, while he is hiding his devilish side that I want no one to see. The most frustrating thing is how we have to live with that, without talking about it. I can't even have a proper conversation with him. Everything that he says sounds like Nonsense to me, I have no choice but to Contempt him.
I do have to act like everything is okey while nothing is okey with Me, I have friends who asks me why I'm always Sad and feeling lost but they don't know what I'm going through cause I cannot tell them what is wrong with Me, and why I'm acting weird sometimes. They also think that my father is a great man very kind as well. Then how can I tell them that he is not what he seems to be. If even I can't believe it than why would they believe me. If it sounds absurd to me, then for sure it will sound like Nonsense to Them.