Heroes of Our Time

Chapter 5 - Reunion: Breakdown

Author's Note: I just want to say this again. Vader in here is not canon Vader, okay, so he really is not acting ooc, imo. He is - after what happened between him and Obi-Wan, thinking that he lost everyone in so short a time, his mind... split, I guess, so there is a part of him which is still 22. It happens sometimes in extreme trauma and losing everyone (or thinking he lost them) the way he did, it broke his mind. Just... keep that in mind and enjoy the very, very emotional conversation! :) 

This is the last chapter I have written, and I do not intend to write anymore in this universe, but there is plenty which needs to be addressed in the larger universe, including Vader's actions under Sidious. Those things will be dealt with just not in this fic as of right now (probably ever). I wrote this last chapter, in particular for the angst, hurt/comfort, and pain. Lol.

Enjoy! :D

~ Amina Gila

Vader doesn't know where he's going. He only knows that he needs to get away from everyone so he can clear his head. He has little desire to analyze his emotional status at the moment; he simply needs to find a way for him to release what he feels before their power overwhelms him. The controls of the speeder bike are familiar under his hands, and he pushes the machine to its limits, zipping across the ground and into the trees. He ducks under a few bigger branches, ignoring the way the smaller ones hit his helmet and armor, snagging at his cape. Vader stops after a time, abandoning the speeder bike and making his way deeper into the forest on foot.

There have been precious few times when he's felt so close to losing himself entirely, and each one was accompanied by immense destruction. It's best not to tempt fate and leave the speeder within the radius of the storm. He walks, ignoring the leaves crunching beneath his boots, disregarding the birds that are chirping overhead. The Dark Side is hammering at him, demanding that he give in to it, that he use it, that he magnify his pain by inflicting even more.

Then, he stops. Slowly, he reaches up and removes his helmet, letting it fall to his feet. He extends his senses, letting himself feel the life around him, knowing that it will soon be destroyed. He feels the grief, the pain, the guilt for a moment before pushing it in with the rest of the agony and fury whirling within him. It's too much. He feels too much, and he wants to make it stop. By now, he should have become inured to pain, unable to feel the sting of hurt as acutely as he did years ago. But for whatever reason, his ability to feel has never changed, not as a Jedi and not as a Sith. Such is his fate.

He tilts his head back slightly, gaze trailing up the trees, looking at their size. And then, Vader lets go. He stops fighting with himself, with the emotions that are overwhelming him. Closing his eyes, he lets everything wash over him, lets it radiate into the Force. The pain is searing, more acute than anything he's felt in a long time. He's been holding it back for so long, probably ever since he first realized that his children were indeed still alive.

As the first tears come, he screams, giving voice to everything which he feels. He's as angry as he is hurt. The Dark Side responds to his pain, and he pulls it in, letting it rush through him, rippling outwards and crashing into everything that surrounds him. The trees give way under the force he's exerting on them with naught but his mind, and he rips them apart with a rage fueled by the Dark Side. He is the center of the storm, and it rages around him, wild and untamable. There's nothing which can calm it, nothing which can stop it.

It begins to die down eventually, and Vader opens his eyes. He dropped to his knees sometime during the outburst. Slowly, he looks around, taking in the devastation which he just caused. All the trees and plants within a one-hundred-foot radius have been all but disintegrated, nothing in their places but shreds of greenery and slivers. He doesn't regret it, not by any means. It was necessary. This was the only way he could bring himself back under control, and now, for the first time in weeks – maybe even months – he feels calm and in control.