House Of Cards | Hisollumi ✓

33.

THIRTY-THREE

(TW: homophobia and intrusive thoughts)

Illumi finally received a call from Nefro, telling him that he could come and visit Hisoka. Yet, the assassin couldn't help but be scared of what was to come and the anxiety was clawing at him.

He decided that it was best for him to get ready so that he could get his mind off of the situation for a while. Illumi wanted to cry while he was standing underneath the water but he bit his lip to hold back the tears and walked out to get dressed.

Illumi pulled out a pair of long pants and a sweater to wear, tying his damp hair up into a bun. The assassin still couldn't ignore that uneasy feeling in his chest and nervously pulled at the loose thread of his sweater. He still didn't understand why he was so worried, Illumi was just seeing Hisoka but the thought of something going wrong was gnawing through his mind.

His phone suddenly rang on the bed and Illumi picked it up, seeing Nefro's name flashing across the screen. The assassin released a shaky breath and answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Oh, Illumi, I'm so glad that you answered." Nefro sounded a bit tired as he spoke, stifling a light yawn. "Are you still coming to visit Hisoka today?"

"Yes, I was just about to leave my room," he said while slipping on a pair of shoes. "Is something wrong?"

Nefro chuckled a bit into the phone and shook his head. "No, not at all. I was just making sure because I need to go back home and I don't want to leave him by himself." Illumi slowly sighed in relief. "But just so you know, Hisoka's stable but he hasn't woken up. The doctor's said it might take a while for him to respond so you don't have to worry."

"Oh, okay," Illumi with a curt nod before hearing a knock at the door. "Well, I have to go, I'll call you when I get there."

The assassin hung up after they said their goodbyes and Illumi walked to the door, feeling slightly surprised with who he saw. It was Kikyo standing there with a light smile on her lips, her visor perfectly in place as she folded up her fan.

"Illumi dear, I'm so glad that you're still here."

The assassin frowned in confusion. "Mother, what are you-" She pushed past her son, almost knocking him over as she entered his room.

Kikyo looked around, scrutinising the clean space through her visor, not bothering to look back at her oldest child. "Your father has requested you go on another mission but I disagreed until you received the proper training."

"Training?" Illumi asked nervously.

"Well, yes," Kikyo answered absently as she continued to walk around the room, his gaze landing on something poking from beneath one of the pillows. "You have been gone for over a month so you need to go through the proper process. Or have you forgotten?"

She began to reach for the object that was hidden and Illumi began to panic, a lump rising in his throat. "Of course not!" He said sharply, making Kikyo look up at him. "I just have somewhere that I need to go today."

Kikyo stepped away from the bed and walked towards Illumi with a raised brow. "Oh. Does your father know of this?"

"No, it's more of a personal errand..."

"Do you mind telling me what it is?"

"It's not that important," Illumi told her as his phone beeped in his pocket, looking down at the screen. "Mother, I really do have to go."

"Illumi, who is this man?" The assassin froze as he looked up, seeing the woman holding a small framed picture between her hands.

Illumi gulped as her grip on the frame tightened and he curled his fingers around the ends of his top. "I-It's no one," he stuttered while keeping his dark eyes glued to the ground.

Kikyo smiled menacingly, neatly placing the frame in the nightstand as she paced towards her son. "It can't be 'no one' if you're smiling so much. Now, let me ask again," she stopped her visor flashing red, "who is that?"

Illumi knew that it would be best to just tell Kikyo the truth but he'd never felt this scared in his life. The assassin knew full well that she would snap at him and it wouldn't be fun for either of them.

He glanced up at her cautiously, seeing the expectant look on her face. Just say it, he thought while clenching his fists.

Illumi let out a sigh and folded his arms over his chest. "He's..." He hesitated. "He's my boyfriend. I was staying with him while I was away."

"What?" She practically growled, her visor almost blinding him. "You left home so that you could be with another man? I forced myself to tolerate your relationship with Chrollo but now you chose to continue this-this abnormality of yours! If your father finds out he'll-"

"Father already knows about this," he mumbled with tears in his eyes, "and both he and Grandfather approve of my relationship. Why can't you just be the same?"

"Because it's disgusting for you to love a man, Illumi," she spat angrily, Illumi feeling as the pain in his chest only seemed to increase.

Why does it hurt so much?

Her voice became a distant murmur in the back of his mind and Illumi let his tears fall as she continued to speak. Illumi knew that coming out to someone like Kikyo would hurt but he never expected to be this bad. He just wanted to die at that moment.

The assassin felt his wrists begin to itch.

No, no, no, no. Not now!

"I should have just had you killed when you were born," Kikyo seethed, Illumi regretting that he had caught that last part of her rant.

"You can't possibly mean that?" He asked while holding back a sob. Kikyo ignored him, her glare piercing right through him and Illumi just wanted to cry all over again.

Illumi let out a shaky sigh. "I never loved Chrollo and he never loved me but it's different with Hisoka. I didn't think that I could be so happy with someone but you don't even want me to be with him. How is my relationship any different from yours and Father's?!"

A hard slap landed across his face and Illumi let the pain spread through his cheek. "Do not compare my relationship with whatever nonsense you claim to have. They will never be the same." Kikyo glared at him one last time before leaving the room and slammed the door shut.

Illumi could do nothing but stand there, a hand placed against his cheek as he cried softly. His mother hated him, the assassin was sure of it now and the pain only got worse the more he thought about it.

But he didn't have time to think about his own problems, he needed to get to Hisoka, to be by his side. That would be the only way for him to feel better.

♦♣♦

It was me on the verge of tears because this shit brought so much trauma. 😃