i still don't know if love is a feeling
or just affection.
maybe it's just the hand around my throat,
the whispering sweet nothings, and a hand under my shirt.
the older i get, the more i lose sight of it.
i will always say yes when offered a hand to hold,
but i've been shown that love is aggressive.
the screaming matches are not red flags when i have nothing else to cling to.
i will let them walk all over me
in the name of the word,
and it will bite me back.
and, when i'm ready to move on to something new, i will run into anyone's arms that promise eternity.
i think love is a stability that i have never known,
and i will always run from the unfamiliar.
so, when they try fight back against me in the name of their own desires, i lose all sense of self.
apathetic at their pleas for me to continue.
i will bare my teeth, they will fall back.
the cycle will continue,
and it will bite me back.
it always does.
