It's Okay Not to Be Okay

It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Raph was pissed off. Which isn't an uncommon occurrence with him. Especially after all the shit that's gone down the past 6 months. You would think that having your home invaded by aliens is. Watching your brother being tossed through a window, all beaten to Hell and barely unconscious, and your father being stabbed and tossed down a drainpipe would do that to you, with the added effect of having been run out of your home by said aliens. No, for once, that's not why Raph is pissed.

No, the reason that he's pissed is because of said older brother that was thrown through the window. And before you start jumping to conclusions here, Raph isn't mad that Leo got thrown through April's apartment window. No, he doesn't blame his brother for that. He blames the Shredder for what happened to their father, their home, Karai, and many other things he won't get into. He knows Leo was trying to protect Mikey, April, and Donnie. They had been separated from their father, and Raph was out with Casey trying to find Karai at the time, so he wasn't there to help. Leo was the older brother he was and was trying to protect the two youngest of the family, along with a dear family friend. He's mad because his older brother is a stubborn, hard-headed jackass!

And while Raph really can't always blame his brother for that. Leo is stubborn and hard-headed, and annoying at times. But he's also protective, selfless, and reliable. He cares about people and goes out of his way to ensure that the people he cares about are okay. Though sometimes Raph believes that Leo does it to the point that it's unhealthy. It is a pattern that Raph has noticed over the past year. And it really concerns him.

It has been the talking point of many of their arguments over the past couple of months, and it has yet to end anywhere but with the two brothers not talking to each other. When Leo got injured, Raph prayed and begged anyone who would listen that Leo would wake up so that they could argue again. He knew he had given his brother a lot of flack over the years and tormented him, and he wished he would just shut up and go away. He swore that if Leo woke up, it'd be different; after having it out with him one last time for his martyr tendencies, he'd never argue with the blue-banded turtle again. He loves his brother, and he just wants him here with them. They had already lost their home, and their father and Raph could barely keep them together. He didn't know how much more their family could take.

Those three months that Leo was out cold were the most challenging months of his life. He sat in that tiny cramped bathroom day and night, hoping and praying that his brother would wake up. And being prepared for the worst-case scenario and hoping it didn't happen. And then, after those long three months, Leo woke up. He woke up, he finally woke up, and it was the happiest moment of his life. His brother was alive and awake! It meant that their family would be okay, and Leo would be able to fix everything.

But as soon as Raph's hopes were raised, they were almost immediately squashed. Raph thought he'd take charge of things once Leo was awake, and they'd be back in New York in no time. But that wasn't what happened at all. Leo was different; he was more hesitant, quiet, and distant. It took him to realize that until after the ordeal with the Creep(No, he doesn't want to discuss that.). While Raph watched Leo try to do his exercise and take any meditation Donnie threw at him, something was off about him. It was like he wasn't always there in his head. And it scared the crap out of Raph to watch it all unfold.

For the first couple of weeks, Raph was just hovering in the background. He would hang out with his brother, talk, goof off, exercise, etc. But he kept a close eye on his older brother's mental health and wasn't a big fan of what he saw. He knew he wasn't the only person who saw the decline in his brother. April and Casey have come to him asking questions about Leo's health numerous times. Mikey had also approached him often, asking if Leo would be okay. And he and Donnie had had a lot of conversations about their older brother when they knew he was out of earshot.