All Things Wild and Beautiful

55. Unavoidable Choices

    Nascha stared into the blaze of her campfire, numb to everything. She'd been hiding out in the Oakwald Forest for the past two days. Already, she'd been forced to relocate her camp three times when Lorcan appeared, obviously searching for her. She'd managed to avoid detection so far.

    She'd contemplated heading to a port city and fleeing Erilea entirely, but finally decided against it. She couldn't leave. Not yet. Not until she knew what had happened to Fenrys. She'd felt nothing from him since she left Orynth. His shining presence at the other end of the Mating Bond was how she knew he was still alive.

    She was relieved and amazed that he was still holding on. Nascha hadn't seen the true extent of the damage she'd done to him, but she knew it was bad. Bad enough that no one began tracking her until several hours later. Bad enough that Fenrys' warm presence had grown cold. Bad enough that the Mating Bond, which would remain even after Fenrys died, had almost lost its glow.

    Nascha spent her first few hours in the forest pressed up against a tree, sobbing uncontrollably. Waves of pain emanated from the Bond, accompanied by fear and sorrow. Nascha had somehow understood Fenrys' thoughts. She knew he'd been searching for her. Calling for her. She knew he'd wanted her there. He'd been afraid to die.

    When his pain and fear finally abated, Nascha had cried even harder. She'd cried until there were no tears left, then slipped into a cold, numb state. There she remained and would remain until she knew Fenrys was safe. She just didn't know how she was going to find out.

    I can't go back to Orynth, Nascha thought. I think Lorcan, Aedion, and Aelin would try to kill me on sight. Even if they didn't, they certainly wouldn't let me see Fenrys. Tears stung her eyes. And I can't blame them. I almost killed him.

    Her mate. She had almost killed her mate, whom she loved. She'd only wanted to protect him, and instead, had almost been the one to take his life. Nascha lowered her head, letting her loose hair shroud her face. Crimson, gold, and coppery leaves drifted down from the treetops, landing at her feet.

    And how many more lives will I have taken after Arcelia tries to secede and Terrasen goes to war? She asked herself. How much blood will be shed because I can't do what my parents and brothers did? Because I can't do what Aelin does?

    Nascha swiped a hand over her eyes, but a few tears managed to slip beneath her lashes. How many members of the Bane will die? Aeron and Luciana? Elgan? Vaughan? What about the Arcelians? Will Rayan and Eliora be killed?

    Despite the problems the Tarins had been causing, they were still old friends of her family. She knew they were reasonable people. They only wanted equality for the people of Arcelia. Nascha just couldn't understand why they needed her to achieve that.

    Out of all the offers Aelin gave them, there must have been at least a few that were fair, Nascha thought. Aelin wants to see her people happy and safe, just as much as they do.

    She covered her face with a groan. "I shouldn't have said the things I did," Nascha murmured aloud. "Aelin was right. I don't understand the true depths of what's going on. But, no one really bothered to explain it to me either."

    She shoved the excuse aside. "No. No more excuses. I'm just as much to blame for all of this as they are. There has to be some way to fix things without resorting to war. Some way to fix things without me becoming Lady of Arcelia."

    Nascha pressed her lips into a thin line, thinking hard. She found her thoughts circling back to something Vaughan had said when she first woke up after her burnout and Settling.